They went to the chapel Abbey and they… got married…

And I was there. Not as an official guest or even outside the Abbey, but as one of the million people along the Mall. Though we like to describe it more as The Inner Circle since access to our area was closed off at around 7am. That also meant our access to the toilets was cut off. FINALLY! My super talent of holding in my pee all day paid off!!!

X Marks The Spot

This ‘We’ I refer to is not in fact the Royal WE, though it would be appropriate for the occasion. We actually refers to Stacy and … well.. me. We left the husbands with the midgets, slung our bags on our shoulders and hopped a train to London. Then we checked into the hotel, threw our bags down (gently) and headed off to check out the scene around Buckingham Palace. We scoped out the spots with the best views, the most available space and access to toilets.

After thinking we’d got it all covered, we stopped and watched Lainey Lui do her thing from the Duke of York Steps for CTV, and then headed off to Covent Garden for pasta and wine before a stop at Marks and Sparks to get our Wedding Day food and drink supplies.

We returned to the hotel to rest our sore feet and set the alarm for 4am. It was a great plan that originally had us going to bed by 8.30. Only we did the lights out thing and couldn’t stop talking. Eventually though we realised that we had an important task ahead of us and 4am is never pretty, no matter how much sleep you get.

The alarm went off, we got ourselves clean and dressed and headed off to catch a bus. All of our fellow passengers were on the same mission as us. Except the one dude that was sitting up top who I think may have been riding the bus as an alternative to sleeping on the street. After all, it was cold the night before.

Anyway, we headed down the road toward the Canada Gates and aside from flashbacks from Backpack-Gate, I could see that there were definitely more people than we’d left behind the night before. The line up for the port-a-potties was not a joke. It looked like people lining up for the hottest nightclub in town. Luckily I peed 3 times in the hour before we left the hotel.

The previous evening we had decided to head up The Mall. There was plenty of room up front when we’d last seen it and if we were going to get a good view of something… anything.. then we were going to head up there. Only, as we ducked and weaved through the crowds outside of the palace and in front of the media buildings we stopped and looked at each other. Although it was packed almost everywhere, there was this one patch of grass that was open and available. Not only that, but it had a clear view of The Balcony. We were not sure that what we were seeing was to be believed. I mean this was PRIME real estate. Where were the rightful spotters?! Why were there people stacked like sardines to the left and right of where we were standing and yet here we stood .. with breathing space.

Quickly we went over the pros and cons of where we were versus where we had planned on going. There really were no positives to moving. Okay, so the procession was going to come back and go around the opposite side of the fountain, but from where we were we could see them come into The Inner Circle and we had a clear view of the the main gates where they’d enter. And again The Balcony. So we stayed.

And then they cut off access. No more interlopers in the Inner Circle (aside from Freddie and Conor who sweet talked security). And no more opportunity to pee. Awesome. Sort of.

There was a lot of time to kill, but it actually passed quickly. We could see the various morning programs doing their things. Adrian and Christine, Eamon, Piers and Anderson with Cat, GMA, etc. Between playing Guess The Guest and watching the buzzing inside the palace gates, we always had something to look at.

And then the guests started leaving for the wedding. First the big coaches filled with … who knows. Followed by the minivans with the likes of Chelsy Davy. And then the Rolls Royces started rolling. We missed Wills and Hot Harry since they left from Clarence House, but we saw the rest of the family from Prince Andrew and the girls underneath those hats to The Queen. Or as she is referred to in the Official Program: THE QUEEN. (Kanye would be proud. Speaking of.. I thought he was supposed to be invited to the wedding?!)

On the Way to the Wedding

Whilst people around the world got to watch the ceremony on television screens in homes, bars, hotels and even on beaches, those of us who sat there for hours only got the pleasure of listening to it on tannoys. It was surreal. The whole day was, but listening to the ceremony with a million others to that whole echo effect audio of the ceremony was by far the most surreal. It sounded like we were waiting for the announcement that the war was over. I am talking WWII here.

After the ceremony the buzz started to spread across the crowd because it meant they were on their way back. We all stood up and waiting to hear the cheers down The Mall get closer and closer. Finally we saw the horses start to round the corner and then the 1902 State Landau holding the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge appeared. Followed by Harry and the kids and then Pippa and the kids, The Parents (and Camilla) and of course Lizzie and Phil.

Return to the Palace

The Queen Returneth

The crowd was electrified and once they were all safely inside Buckingham Palace, the sea of people who had been lining The Mall started to fill the road in front of us. Some people hopped the barrier to get closer, but we knew that we still had it good. We still had a clear view (aside from those 2 Australian douchenozzles that decided to stand on the chair in front of us) of The Balcony. And as excited as people were, they were quiet. It was almost like you could hear the handle turn on the balcony doors and when we saw the glass on the doors vibrate a bit the crowed roared for the married couple.

Oh, Hi. Didn't See You There

Soon the whole family came out (or at least the wedding party, The Parents (and Camilla) and THE QUEEN and Philly Phil) and we had the kisses and the fly overs and the wave goodbye.

Are We All Here?

And then it was over.

We battled the crowds and the miscommunication between groups of police officers on where we were allowed to exit, headed off to Westminster Abbey and heard the end of the bells peeling, saw the Houses of Parliament, watched Big Ben ring in 3 O’Clock and then sat our worn and weary bums on the tube back to the hotel.

For the next 3ish hours we sat and hoped our bodies would repair themselves in the comfort of the room with the nice mattresses (though Stacy was too sore and apparently scared of ladders to climb up to her bed) and clean and accessible toilet! We looked through the Evening Standard at all of the photos that they had already printed and watched tv so we could see everything that we had heard.

Three days later, I can honestly say that I have not recovered. It still feels surreal and I still feel exhausted. Kudos to Stacy for flying back to the States on Sunday and being able to go to work tomorrow. You are a champion. A champion that got to see little Wills marry his Princess. How crazy is that?!

The only downside to the trip, was that Hot Harry obviously got confused and didn’t have us on the guest list for the night time celebrations. Next time, right? When Harry gets married, I’ll totally be down for staying at Base2Stay again. Just send the invite there for me. Thanks!

And Thank You Stacy, Jennie, Freddie and Conor, Benni and Timo and the amazingly behaved public (aside from those two assclown Aussies and then early morning drunk) for a great experience. And to Wills and No More Waity Katie for the occasion.

Cheers!

Royal Revellers