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Enter the Dragon. Please.

Apparently this baby is really comfortable.  Like super duper extra cosy up in here.  11 days overdue.  What’s up with that, little person?  Everyone is wondering when you are coming out and I, I do really want to meet you and I’d also like to be able to get up to pee without worrying that I am going release the mother of all floods on the bedroom carpet.

You have until Tuesday.  I do admire your determination to leave Aries and become a Taurus.  It is the same thing I did almost exactly 36 years ago.  Only times have changed and you are not allowed to take your sweet time.  The midwife and the doctor have decided that the 24th is it.  If you don’t decide to grace us with your presence before then, you are getting a forced eviction.  I cannot tell you how this terrifies the life out of me.  And apparently that is the only way you will come out and join this crazy family.

I promise, we’ll be kind.  At least we will try our hardest.  I will let you down from time to time. That might be month to month or minute to minute, but I promise to try.  You have a bossy boots older sister who believes that she is going to be bathing you, changing your diaper and feeding you.  She has also been practicing lifting you into the moses basket by using her plastic toy mushroom in your place.  Your older brother is also kind of excited, though he is more aware of what comes with babies in his house.  But he is the one who is going to be gentle with you and want you to do everything he is doing.  For now.

So don’t be scared.  Or at least not too scared.

Plus, I had a dream that you got stuck on the way out because your lips were too big, so we need to stop growing those. Okay?

 

 
19 april - 9 days overdue

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Trick or Treat?

It’s a good thing that I don’t get paid to write this thing, huh?  I mean, who disappears for nearly three months without a word.  Well, other than the words I’ve written on Twitter or Facebook.  Or BBM and texts and emails.  But yeah, barely a word.

Well, if you are moving to a new continent (not new to me… but new to live for Lee and the midgets) and then doing the look for a job, a house and car thing, then you sprinkle a bit of stressing over when the hell your stuff from Point A is going to arrive in Point B … you might slack in other areas too.

Especially if when you arrive you start feeling ill.

For the first weeks we were here, all I basically said was: I’m freezing! Am I getting a cold? Is that an earache coming on? Fuckity Fuck Fuck.. we have no doctor.. I can’t be sick!!  Ugh, my stomach hurts.   I need to sleep.  My back. My ovary.  I think I’m going to be sick!!

Then I peed on a stick.  I mean there was no way right?  I mean there is a way.  But chances were super-duper-practically-totally impossible.  Only, less than 2 minutes later I was met with THIS:

yes plus

 

YES +?!  + what?!  Plus a new car? Plus more babies?!   A simple YES would have been cool.  Though, to be honest, a NO would have also been most excellent.

So I tried to do the math.  Only one date fit and it still made no sense.  But there wasn’t any other possibility.  Unless out of nowhere I’ve developed a crazy sleepwalking habit where I slang my wares to random strangers in my sleep.  Only I think someone would have noticed.  I HOPE someone would have noticed.

With our shaky history, we didn’t want to say much.   Plus we were just about to take on a huge mortgage and having started basically from scratch when we got here, the reality of adding an extra mouth to feed and diaper was and remains TERRIFYING.  And that economic car that we bought with the astronomical insurance because I am ‘new’ … in the land where I got my license …  it doesn’t fit three car seats.

So we kept it pretty quiet.  I didn’t even get any medical personnel involved until last week, when I went to my first midwife appointment.  There we discussed the fact that stomach was out of control and I couldn’t believe how much it had grown for only 9 weeks.  So I got sent to have a dating scan to make sure that there was only one and that nothing was going crazy up in there.

It’s so not like in England.  I had to go to a generic lab where they were doing x-rays and ultrasounds for a variety of things.  They don’t have the flat screens for you to watch and they don’t tell you what they are doing as they click away on their keyboard right next to you.   Luckily for me I got a chatty technician and after she was done the official stuff, she gave me a look at all the vital parts and I made a comment about that looking more baby like than I thought 10 weeks would be and she came back with …

That baby isn’t 10 weeks.  That baby is 14 weeks.

Plus One Chillaxing

Say what?

How?

Who?

Huh?

I couldn’t figure out the math or how on earth that was possible.  I still can’t get over how it is.. but it is.

And holy shit! I have a whole less month to prepare.  This is crazy.  I am crazy.  I need time to spread out the crazy.

I sat up like a bolt of lightning. But I got drunk! Like stinking drunk! She said what was done was done and the baby looks fine and healthy.  Guess it’s a good thing I didn’t decide to start shooting up as my last hurrah before leaving England.

So I walked out of the appointment yesterday on a cloud.  A cloud made of crack.  YAY no twins!  But where’d I lose a month!?  Why the hell am I still SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nauseous?!!?  Am I going to fit into the seats at the ACC on the 17th of December when my presence is required to cheer on my Canucks when they skate into town?  And what kind of car fits three car seats, that isn’t a minivan?!  Does it exist?!

That last one was serious.  Does it exist?!

So here, for all of the Internet to see is the tiny person we’ve been calling +1.  Though Noah has put in a demand to change his/her name to Hamster.

Hamster Brotherston.

Bebe Frontin

I know. That shot makes the baby look like a Mii. S/he has their Halloween costume already!

This one make me worry about the stomach to butt ratio.

Babys Got Back

That is one tiny bum! Perhaps this baby will finally inherit the long leg, normal thigh, non-J-Lo butt combo that has escaped the other two!

I guess we’ll see in April!

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No Sh!t.

Independence in a child can be cute. It can be frustrating. It can be wonderful. It can be messy.

There will be no photos to accompany this post, for two reasons: a) my camera battery is charging for the trip to London and b) I like you. Most of you, anyway.

Amy is our independent child. Sure, she can be the human manifestation of Saran Wrap (read: Cling Film), but generally she wants to do everything for herself.

Not 15 minutes ago, I heard her doing something on the floor in the living room and asked her what she was doing. She ignored me at first and then came to me holding out a baby wipe. A baby wipe covered in baby poo. Not a little bit of fecal matter either. I called Lee over because I knew we had a situation on our hands and I was scared.

Turns out, I had every reason to be.

We’ve deduced that she must have done her business, climbed up on her horse which assisted in squeezing it out as she reenacted Luke Perry’s stellar performance in 8 Seconds to Glory. She then noticed and thought .oO(oh, let me get this…), proceeding to wipe it all over the floor and I guess when she thought there was too much on the wipe, relieved her cleaning partner of the weight and spread it on the couch cushion.

Guess that seals the Not Taking To Canada deal.

I love her. Really, I do. But at this moment in time, I am loving Lee WAY more because while I type this, he has her in the bath making sure all of the poo is cleaned out from between her chubby toes.

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Can You Feel Me Now?

So this morning I woke up just before the alarm went off for Lee because of course I had to pee.  When I got back into bed my stomach started to hurt.  I left it a minute and then got back up to go to the bathroom like I have done almost every morning for the past month and a half.   Only this time when I returned and tried to go to sleep I started to get some serious cramps.  As my glider was due to be delivered today I tried my best to ignore them.  Yes, I cannot wait to meet this baby (actually I can hold out another 2 weeks), but I’m really excited about this glider!!!

Anyway, my stomach was not in the mood for bargaining, so we were off to the loo once again.  All the while I started to wonder if this was My Luck.  Was I going into labour now so that I’d miss the delivery?  Let’s face it, if that was going to happen to someone, it would be me.  I sat there as my stomach turned into a rock and the cramps got worse.  I eventually tried to make it back to the room once more, giving up on sleep.

I sat at the computer, rebooted it, all whilst holding my gigantic belly, wondering how to soften it and how to get these cramps to go away.  I decided to give the bathroom another shot, but just when you’d think relief was around the corner, the Tummy of Rock returned and the cramps felt tighter and stronger.

At this point I was getting really annoyed…am I? am I not? is this how is starts? how the hell do you time something like this when you are too busy hugging your bump?  And then I decided that it was all Lee’s fault.  It was not a conscious decision, but because he was leaving for work and I had no idea what was going on, it felt right.  In reality I wasn’t assigning blame, but I was scared and didn’t want to show it, so his innocent questions did not receive appropriate answers.

I finally managed to leave the washroom because there was a slight softening of my tummy, got dressed whilst Lee left for work, my tummy softened, BoB woke up, tummy went hard, cramps went away, tummy went soft, brushed my teeth, glider was delivered, tummy went hard and slight cramping returned, and now tummy is a medium grade of solid but the cramps have gone for now.

Please, this is not how I want to spend the next two weeks or less/more, wondering if every off or odd feeling I have is a sign that BoB is on his/her way.  I still need to get some sleep damnit which is a STRUGGLE and a half right now.  My hips feel like they’ve been punched all day long because I can only sleep straight up on my sides.  This has increased my tossing and turning and moaning and irritability when the non-pregnant man in the bed next to me lies there snoring away like sleeping is the easiest thing on earth to do.  I cannot tell you how I look forward to sleeping on my stomach again.  Well, before the milk comes in and makes it not so great to do… oh and as if I’m actually going to get to sleep through a night in the next 20 years.   But other than that, I am looking forward to it.

Okay, we’ve gone rock hard again, so I am going to get the pyjamas back out and crawl into bed and hope this is all just false.  I don’t have the energy today to be producing a baby.

Oh, and sorry to Lee for taking my fears and frustrations out on him.   I should have saved them for the delivery man who was going to leave the heavy glider box outside of the front door for my massively pregnant self to drag in, but I had visions of a lovely man who would see my state and bring the box to the nursery and didn’t want to ruin my chances.  Looks like karma took care of that!

Lastly: This is Week 38! Officially 2 weeks .. or notenoughtimeformetogetmyheadaroundthis… until BoB is officially due!

Ticker Update:    I am at least 7lbs and if I decide to stay in here, my fingernails will need to be clipped! I am 38 weeks old, only 14 days to go!

Just to let you know BoB, we’re cool with the nail thing.  The nail clippers are packed, so no need to rush little dude/dudette.  Also, no need to keep sticking your bum in my ribs.  Totally uncalled for and totally uncomfortable.

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Groundhog Day

I was having a nice sleep (I think) last night and then I started to have a weird dream where I was being warned “watch out for the two o’clocks”.  I couldn’t figure out what a “two o’clock” was for the life of me.  All of a sudden I woke up and looked at the clock and it was 2.00am …and I was having massive stomach cramps.  It was like New Year’s Day all over again.  Except this time, Lee only woke up for the period between me leaving the bed and getting to the bedroom door.  He did not come to endure the feverish sweats, tears of pain, sounds of BoB doing cannonballs in my belly….

But I survived once again.   I just hope that’s it now until the end of this adventure.  *knock on wood* *cross my fingers, toes and whatever else will help me out here*.

On the upside, Lee returned the powerless electric steriliser today and got one that came with…. you guessed it – a plug!!  Hooray!  So now the plastic contraption that holds the bottles will do more than sit on the counter and hold the bottles.

As for me, the excitement of the steriliser was all I could take.  I’ve not been out of the bedroom much since.  Except to pee. And pee. And pee.  I never had this increased need for peeing at the beginning when everyone else would mention it as a symptom or side effect or however you’d like to class it.  BoB is now making up for it and I think he/she is either using my bladder as a pillow or as a support to do push ups against.  So long as the activity remains on the inside for now, I’ll take the urgent need to pee all day long.  I’m still not ready.   6 weeks and 1 day to go and I am trying to make use of them all.

So.. another photofest is on its way. Not just because I cannot get over how photoshopped my head on my body looks when I am wearing a turtleneck, but since BoB has started his/her decent, the change in my body completely boggles my mind.  In some ways I think I look less pregnant.  In some ways I am shocked that there is actually space between my boobs and my belly.  In a lot of ways, I think I look more like Santa or Jim Carrey in The Grinch with the sagging belly.  Just when I got used to having this mass sticking out in front of me, it decides to change and throw me off all over again.   Just when I get used to this, I may be thrown by BoB being on the outside instead of inside.  Either way, these photos tell me that I need highlights in a bad way!!!  That and I really do like the change pad, even though I swore I’d never buy one.

While I am admitting things…. after I posted the photos of the nursery progress, I realised that I forgot to add the bumpers to the crib!  Now though, we’ve got the sheet and dust ruffle washed and added and bumpers sort of there.  Though we are having technical difficulties with the aquarium and the bumper and haven’t worked that arrangement out properly yet.  Good thing BoB will be chilling in the moses basket for a while.  We have time for my Mom to come and figure things out!

PHOTO TIME!

The crib WITH bumpers:

With Bumpers

Lee gets down to business building a crib-side table…or monitor holder:

Bob Villa who?

And Tada! The Monitor no longer lives IN the crib!

The Nursery - not quite done

Surprise!  I’m not really pregnant….

33w6d: Front on

But I swear I felt something moving…

33w6d: Feeling a little BoB

Ahhh, there he (or she) is!

33w6d: from the side

Here is BoB house getting lower…

33w6d: On the way down

Hrm, perhaps not as small as I thought!

33w6d: Big BoB

And finally, BoB gets a hug.  Or the closest I can get at the moment!

33w6d: BoB cuddle

It is so hard to believe that at any time between now and a month and a half from now, I’ll be able to give BoB (or whatever his or her name will actually be) a hug in person!!!

I’m torn between pure excitement and sheer terror!

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Hide and Go Seek

Today was a good day.  Today was a trying day.  Today scared the crap out of me and today calmed me down.  Sort of.

Lee and I got to start a little later this morning as we had my Obstetrics Ante-natal clinic to attend.  I read last night that I’d need a urine sample so I had the container all ready for the morning.  However, I decided that as it was not until 10.30, that I’d wait for a second pee.  Well that turned into a third and fourth because I’d scared myself so much with my crazy dreams, that I couldn’t go.  A pregnant woman who couldn’t pee – and you thought that was impossible.

Anyway, we got to the hospital and one of the first questions they asked was whether I had brought my “water” sample.  I nervously laughed and explained that I was trying but having some troubles.  Lee located another sample container – this one not so narrow so made me less nervous and I was off.  I produced the world’s smallest “water” sample and went to the reception desk to ask if it was enough.  They laughed and said that they thought it would be fine and not to worry.   Easy for them to say… I still had no idea what went on in one of these clinics.

So we waited and waited and finally a midwife calls my name.  We walk in, Lee yawns and they strap me to the blood pressure machine.  I’d already prepared myself for the fact that I was going to be told that not only did I have preeclampsia but also gestational diabetes.  Thankfully when the machine dinged to let us all know that it was done, they revealed that I had “clean” urine and my blood pressure was great.  Phew!! Two less things to worry about…until next time.

So back to the waiting room where we waited to be seen by the obstetrician.  This man calls me in, not who we were expecting, but better than the option of the woman I had already decided that I could not stand.  We go through my gyne history and the pregnancy so far, he tells me to hop up on the table and starts feeling around my stomach.  The first thing he says:  “I don’t feel anything”

My heart leapt into my throat and then sunk into a pit in my stomach.   Then he explained “I don’t feel anything…wrong”.

So PHEW number 2

Next he whips out the heartbeat listening thingy.  I was so happy that Lee was finally going to be able to hear BOB’s ticker since he had missed it last time and I knew that we have such a well behaved child that it would go off without a hitch.  And that’s when the games began.  Every now and then you’d hear the *whoop* of the probe catching a heartbeat…and then nothing.   Then you’d hear a quiet one ….and then nothing.  And then for the longest time… nothing.  I was seriously on the verge of both crying and passing out.   And then, to the left and above my belly button this *whompwhompwhompwhomp* comes out of nowhere.

The weirdest of places to find BOB, but as my mom says – “BOB’s got a big house”, so I guess he or she is making use of it before they grow too big for fun and frivolity.

I cannot believe that my child is already  playing mind games with me.   At least there is no doubt who the mother is.   Am I ready for another me?!!?

— kind of off topic — last time I heard the heartbeat it was a strong steady but mellow beat.  I was convinced that BOB was indeed a boy.  This time out…. totally different heartbeat.  Lee says that it resembled a helicopter.  I’m now no longer totally convinced of the boyishness and believe that BOB may indeed be a girl, or that the ultrasound lied and there was a second one lodged up on my left side that went undetected.

For now I may not know, but I’m just happy that BOB is being BOB and still playing hard at the growing thing.