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7

Ess. Ee. Vee. Ee. En.

7.

Seven.

Seven years and I’m still broken. Forever broken. And forever unaccepting. I got ripped off. We all did. Your children, your children’s children, your brothers, your sisters, your friends. The whole fucking world. And, sure, I might be a bit on the biased side, but I’m not wrong. You’d say I was, but you’d know inside that I am right.

I can still close my eyes and relive my first memory of you. Though it is now more like a stop motion film or something you’d see posted on Vine. Let’s not even go there. So not something you’d be interested in. Because, the Internet.. oh has it changed since you were last forwarding me spam in hopes that I would tell you that a Nigerian Prince really did want to share his family’s fortune with you. I can still see your shirt, you crossing a room, a dark room. It’s the first memory I have. Not the first time I saw you, but I remember asking momma about the details once and she told me I couldn’t have had the memory because I was a baby. But we also realised that there were no photos of this moment/day/whatever, so I guess you just left an impression on me.

I can still close my eyes and see the last time I saw you smile. You were outside of the bus we were leaving Scott’s wedding on. You were teasing Randy because you got to be outside with a cigarette and he was stuck on the non smoking bus. You were happy. You were relieved. Your last child was married and it went off without any troubles. All of the stress and all of the worry was gone. You were truly happy. It was wonderful.

I wish I didn’t have to close my eyes, or look at a photograph. I wish that this was the most elaborate hoax EVER. Sometimes I am convinced that it is. Because how could it not be? I am not a forgiver, but I would totally forgive you for this. Let’s be honest, I’d pretty much forgive you for anything.

There was moment when I was in Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago. I was walking through the Bellagio when I looked out of the window and there you were. I stopped, rubbed my eyes and looked again. You were still there. I took a couple more steps and looked out of the next window and it was still you. I rubbed my eyes again and shook my head. You didn’t go away. I watched you walk thinking that would make me realise it was not you. But you walked just like you. My friend asked what I was looking at and I said “There is a man that looks just like my Dad”. She said “You mean the one in the grey shorts? Yeah, I noticed that too. He looks just like him!”

I knew it my heart it could not be you. I held your hand tight. Too tight. Felt too much to know that was not you. But my chest still seized and my heart stopped and time stood completely still, and for a moment there I thought that maybe I had been wrong. I hoped that I had been so wrong.

 

image

 

 

It’s been seven years and time hasn’t healed shit.

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Ear Today, Gone Tomorrow

No, I’m not about to pull a Van Gogh (Van Go to my North American peeps and Van Goff to the Brits apparently).

But I am still freakin’ deaf. Seriously now, this is getting ridiculous. Do you know how hard it is to try and keep tabs on two crazy midgets with only one good ear? Do you realise the joy they get when the phone rings and I am running around like a headless chicken because I can’t tell where the sound is coming from? And to make it all just that little bit worse, there appears to be action in the ear. I’m not exactly sure if it is good action or bad action, but heyzeus it is annoying.

Currently the midgets are asleep. Out of my good ear I can hear that there are birds chirping and Amy is stirring (so now I have to sit here like a statue hoping she doesn’t clock me and fully wake up. These damn singing birds! Don’t they realise that just because I can’t hear doesn’t mean the other people in my house are suffering the same fate?! Phew… she’s out again). Out of my bad here, I don’t hear much. But inside of it I can hear the din of a small plane engine. Or actually, it sounds more like there is a toilet running constantly in my ear.

If you’ve ever suffered in a house with an ever running toilet, you know how this can get quite annoying after a while. Though usually in that case you can stop it temporarily. Mine is constant and I can’t even flush it.

I haven’t even developed any extra senses to make up for it either.

And now I’ve blogged about it twice in a row which makes it not only annoying to me, but boring to you. Let’s hope that this clears up soon so my brain can obsess about something else that I’ll feel a burning need to share with the Internet!

(I’ve just realised that I wrote this only 3 days after the last ear post. That post was a week after I’d been to the doctor. I’ve gone again this week and she’s put me on antibiotics which ‘should’ help. THEY BETTER. Lee is getting really sick of me yelling when I speak and if I don’t snap soon, he will.)

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Let Them Eat Cake!

Birthdays are cool! Before Luca’s birthday, I’d only ever been to an adult’s birthday .. oh and Sam’s when I wasn’t even 2 months old and I think I remember something about Luke and a Wiggles car on his birthday in Toronto, but I was only just 2 months and a bit and wasn’t really sure of what was going on around me!

Luca’s party was where I got to eat cake. A whole entire cupcake just for me. And there were toys everywhere and balloons and people singing. It was great!

I was so excited after his birthday that I couldn’t wait for mine. I was going to be one and my Mommy kept baking cupcakes that I wanted to try so badly… but I woke up sick. How sucky! Since I already had a cold, my Parents decided to go ahead and let me get my booster vaccinations. Now I don’t know about you, but that is not my idea of a good birthday present!!

On my birthday morning I woke up with a really high fever and everyone wondered if my first ever birthday was going to be cancelled! When I heard this news, I knew it wasn’t good. What? No presents? No eating whatever I want? No trip to the zoo with Luca and his Parents? This fever wasn’t going to beat me!

Especially when I saw the presents on awaiting me on the table…

Presentfest

I’ll be honest with you. I was quite shocked! All of those were for me!?

For me?!

So I decided to choose one and took it over to my Daddy to help me open.

Whatever is inside?

It was a puzzle!! After a quick play with the puzzle I realised that I needed a nap. This fever was kicking my big little bum and there was only one thing to do… sleep it off. And that I did! When I woke up, I was a sweaty mess and my hair was curlier than ever, but I had no fever!! Woo hoo! That meant one thing… I was going to go to the zoo!!!

When we got there, Luca got all snug in his stroller and I had to wait for what felt like an entire other year for my Parents to get mine back together. You know, after that whole throwing up on it incident from before? Oh I didn’t tell you? Let’s move on….

So we went in, got some food and then went to see some animals. And these weren’t the same animals I see when I walk around the lake with my Mommy or through the mall either! There were tigers (though they bored me) and flamingos and rhinos and camels and sloth bears (that my Daddy said had the same hairstyle as me.. how rude!!! Take note, Adam. Another one to add to the Rudie List!). Luca and I chilled in our strollers taking in the new smells and sights…

chillin

Elephants!

And then before you knew it… we passed out and let our Parents enjoy the rest of the day at the zoo.

Crash Pads

To be honest, I was only pretending to feel 100%. I woke up when we were near the exit and my Parents decided that we should go because we had to do a bunch of stuff still before my party the next day. So we said goodbye to the D’Ambrosio crew (though Luca didn’t hear us because he was still asleep!) and headed to Costco! I LOVE that place! We picked up a cake and went home to pack and head off to my Nan and Grandad’s house where I got to open even more presents, eat a yummy dinner with trifle (I LOVE the stuff!) and hang out!

do I smell dinner?

Birthday Boy

Hooray for food!

After playing with my new toys for a nit it was off to get some beauty sleep for the next day! My Party Day!

When I woke up, I couldn’t believe that there were still more presents to open!! One even had my name written across it so no one else could think it was for them! Once we had breakfast (bacon and sausages, tomatoes and grapes … might sound weird to you, but it’s what I wanted!) I opened the other gifts and then I had a nap whilst everyone else was busy busy busy.

I was in shock once again when I woke up. There were banners and balloons and a box of colourful balls in the living room!

Happy 1st Birthday

My Daddy did some last minute checks on me whilst My Mommy finished frosting my cupcakes and I made sure I played with everything I could get my hands on!

All Good!

Luca and his Parents arrived and we played with my new toys, and then Sam arrived with his Parents and played with us too! And even more people showed up. All just for me?! It was great! I felt so special!

Play Time

After some serious playing and eating of food (oh how I love sausage rolls), everyone went into the dining room where there was a cake that had candles on fire that said my name and sang Happy Birthday to me!

Cake!

Happppy Biiiirthday

And then… and then… and then… I got to eat a cupcake all by myself!!! And… and… and… I didn’t even have to wear a bib!!!

Oh man… I love vanilla frosting!

Let him eat cake

I don’t even know what the big cake tasted like, but that is okay because I was in Sugar High Heaven!

After the cake eating, we got back down to playing and I discovered that the colourful balls are not as scary as I thought that they would be. In fact, I was having a BALL in there. hehe, get it? Having a ball?! … Oh man, ever since I turned 1 I find myself so funny!

Having a ball

I know it has been a while, but I just want to thank everyone for coming to my party and for playing and eating with me!! I had a great time!!

And then I went home and got another fever. But at least I didn’t miss out on my celebrations. 😉

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Halfway Tree

Last Thursday I celebrated my Half Birthday. Until last Thursday, I didn’t even know that these things existed. The day started out like any other day. Well, any other day that involves a trip to get weighed, playing with some toys that my Mommy says are older than her, sitting on the scale naked and having to hold on to my Mommy when she nearly faints because she learns that I’m packing 23lbs 6oz of love somewhere in this body.

After that, we rushed home (it was so busy and instead of the usual in and out, my Mommy actually had to socialise and talk to other mommies who were waiting to have their babies weighted too) so that I could eat breakfast and change into Gymboree clothes. Then we were off to play with all of my friends. I was tired, but my Mommy gave me a bottle during the break out time and I was re-energised and ready to play. I just LOVE those bubbles and the parachute!

When Gymboree was over I thought that we were going to head home so I could stare at the big box covered in colourful paper some more, but my Mommy took me to buy some groceries. I decided to play a game of Toss the Soother and had her scrambling all over the floors of M&S to find out where the projectile had gone. It was great!!

Then we got to go home and I looked and looked and looked at that colourful box, but i was not allowed to touch it. Yet.

My Mommy gave me some lunch and I spent almost the whole time hamming it up.. laughing between spoonfuls and just being a super smiley guy..

Smiley Guy

After lunch I played in a suitcase. It doesn’t sound like fun, but I thought it was hilarious and kept almost falling out because I’d laugh so hard I’d fall over. It made it difficult for my Mommy to take my photo, but that didn’t stop my personal paparazzi. Plus, I think she just wanted me distracted from the colourful box.

Excess Baggage

Eventually my Mommy got me to have a nap and I slept almost all the way until my Daddy got home from work. I did this as a special present for my Mommy who was cooking up a storm in the kitchen in an attempt for our family to all sit down at the same time and eat our dinners! And she succeeded.

We had chicken and roasted vegetables to start. It was my first taste of meat aside from the free sample of ham at Costco! Oh man was it good!!

Happy Chicken Eating Chappy

But the best part was what came after dinner. No, not the dessert… a huge monkey from out of nowehere!!!! I don’t know where he was hiding while we ate, but I couldn’t believe my eyes when all of a sudden my Daddy turned around and there was a monkey standing with him. I loved it!!

Noah and the Monkey

Though I did try to eat the monkey after a while. Seeing that I was still hungry, my Mommy brought out dessert. Now I was only allowed a little bit, so I was given a little taste of what my Mommy made and then I got Plunana (plums and banana!). I can’t wait until I’m older and she lets me eat more of “bad” stuff!

half birthday pudding

After dinner, instead of heading straight for the bath, my Parents gave me a card to open and read. It was all nicey nice stuff about them loving me… I won’t get into it, it makes me blush.

My Card!

It was then finally time for me to touch the colourful box. I was SO EXCITED!!! Usually my Mommy says “Aww.. Noah, we’re not supposed to crinkle/tear/chew that!” when I get near paper, but this time they were both telling me to rip it! So, I did!

Getting to Grips

It was SO very worth the wait. Do you know what? There was more than just a box! There was something inside of it!! Something with lots of colours and buttons. My Daddy got it out for me and I was right into it, bashing the buttons and drooling all over it! These half birthday things are great!!! Why didn’t I learn about these sooner?!!? When do I get another one?! All of those thoughts were racing through my head as I spun the steering wheel of my new toy and honked the horn over and over and over and over again.

Playtime!

Finally it was the end of the day and my Parents took me up to get ready for bed. I wore my special birthday hat whilst they got me changed. I so didn’t want the day to end!! It was definitely the best day of my life by FAR!!!

My Mommy kept saying, “I can’t wait to see his reaction to Christmas”. I have no idea what she’s talking about, but if it is anything like a Half Birthday, I’m so down with that!!!!

Family Party

Thank you so much to my parents for that whole day. It was so great!!! Hopefully we can do it again soon!!


Happy Hilarious Half Birthday from Kirsty B on Vimeo.

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Master Slacker

I know that I have been quiet lately, but with good reason I swear! Well, I don’t swear, not yet. Though if my parents keep up with the way they speak, it won’t be long before some cute little old lady walks up to me and wants to pinch my cheeks and I bust a bad word on her whilst my parents turn to each other with the “I can’t believe you taught our son that word” look on their face.

But that is not the point of this post.

This is to let you all know that I have a few posts backlogged, but that will be hitting the “net”waves shortly. I will be filling everyone in on my adventures in solid food (yogurt tastes so good going down, but smells so bad coming up), my visit from my Kadie, my Zed and my cousin Adam (and all of the fun we had in London … photos can be seen at: A Visit From Home), my adventures in swimming … and my upcoming HALF BIRTHDAY!!! That’s right! Come Thursday I will be a whole half of a year old! If I’m lucky, my parents will take me back to Costco so I can sample some more food. It was not fair that now that I am starting to eat big people stuff, that this week’s samples were airfresheners and other non-edible stuff.

So keep your eyes on your fries, and look out for my updates. They will be appearing soon!!

For now, here is a reminder of what I look like.

Round and Round Noah’s Garden from Kirsty B on Vimeo.

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Sit Up and Take Notice

Guess who is becomming a big boy? Oh that’s right, ME!

Since my last weigh in, we have discovered that I am too big to go onto those funky shopping cart attached seats. Don’t tell my Mommy this, but I don’t mind this development at all. Only the ASDA ones were soft and cushiony. That dreaded Tesco seat was like lounging on a rock with a sunburn. You having the sunburn, not the rock.

But my Mommy was in a panic when we got to Toys R Us the other day. What she had planned on buying was too big to carry around AND push my stroller.. so what was she to do? Well, she plopped me right into the Big Boy seat in the shopping cart and off we went. Silly woman thought I’d fall over. In fact, I knew to hold on and everything. But apparently I am not supposed to lean forward and suck on the metal. After a few failed attempts at putting my soother in to prevent this, she took me out of the cart and carried me whilst pushing the cart. Life is good isn’t it?

Well, when we went to Costco a few days later, I was making some “oops.. I think I’ve just gone to the toilet” noises as I was sitting in my stroller, so my Mommy plucked me out and took me to the washroom where I surprised her with nothing but an empty diaper and a lot of giggles. When we came out, I got to ride in the shopping cart!!

Attention Costco Shoppers

This time she was quick with the soother to avoid any metal suckage. I’ve got to remember the straining noise trick for future dates!!

Impressed with my balance, my Parents took me to Toys R Us again when my Daddy was home sick from work. We were just killing time and ratting out shoplifters (again!) which is getting to be my new favourite outside of the house hobby. So when we were there, my Mommy thought we should prepare me for my life of Crimefighting and got me to ride a rocking Police thing. My Daddy thought I’d fall over so stood close by with his hands ready, but I didn’t need his help…

Woop woop it's the sound of the beast

Well, at least I didn’t think I did. But when I bent over to suck on the handle bars, apparently my Parents decided that I’d had enough.

Party Poopers. They’re lucky I didn’t make citizens arrests!!

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Quick Catch Up

I must apologise for being so slack lately. It has been a rough time in the World According to Noah. I’ve been busy growing, getting strong, trying to eat like a big boy, getting some teeth action (though no teeth yet!). Due to all of this I have been suffering from overstimulation, overtiredness and general crankiness. Though I believe as I am my Mommy’s son, that it should be expected. Plus, I am so good most of the time and it is just when I don’t want to be that I make sure to be use up all of my “bad” in one go.

Part of getting to eat like a big boy is practising with my spoon. As much as I hate to admit it, my hand eye..or hand mouth coordination leaves a little to be desired. However, I LOVE food, so I shall try, try again. Below is a photo of me giving it a good shot!

SpoonMan

It would help if Mommy put it in my left hand. I am much better with that one!

I’ve also been practising for my eventual escape from this mad house. I know I am supposed to stick around until I am 18 and my parents no longer have to pay for me (legally), but there’s no harm in getting myself ready. Though it would appear that my Mommy is quite clever and cruel and although she put me near the front door, she strapped me in so that I am going nowhere real fast.

On The Run

Check out those shoes! And not just how HUGE they are!

In order to work on my arm strength, I’ve been working out at the gym. Well, not the real gym, more like… umm, on my playmat. But I hold on to the toys and try and pull myself up, so it is like a gym.

Working Out in Disguise

What my Mommy doesn’t realise is that I am just pretending to work out. Really, I was just watching the tv:

Eye on Tweety

That tweety just cracks me up.

Put a little slacking on the arm work out is alright because I have been doing push ups. LOTS of push ups. Apparently I even do them when I shouldn’t. My parents let me know this by trying to roll me back on my side when I am in bed. What’s a man to do when he’s got all the muscle and nowhere to use it?!

Push Up Power!

And strong arms are needed when you’ve got a new fascination like mine:

Toe JAm

That foot, or rather the thigh that is attached to that leg, is no easy thing to be lifting. I might have to invest in one of those belts that the really muscly men wear when they are pumping iron.

Another skill I’ve picked up for my eventual escape is driving.

In the Driver's Seat

Albeit I am a bit too short at the moment to reach the pedals. Okay, and I cannot really see over the steering wheel, but it’s a start and practice makes perfect.

Like the one thing I have truly perfected – Lounging! It doesn’t matter the time of day, the attire, or the occasion.. I LOVE to lounge and I am awesome at it!

Lounging 1

Lounging 2

Lounging 3

And on that note… I’m off to lounge a little more.

Later on today I will give an update on how I am handling the triple injections I had today and give everyone an update on my weight!!!

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Two Monthday

I am a whopping two months old today. We celebrated yesterday by going to a Safari Park (okay it was for my Mommy’s birthday, but who are we kidding, it’s all about me now!) and today I’ve eaten quite a bit, slept loads (perhaps because I refused to from 2.30 – past 4am this morning) and am still living up to the name Grumpy Pumps. I am exhausted at the thought of my plane ride tomorrow, so I don’t have much energy to write. My very sleepy Mommy has written about the past month in her blog. If you want to read it, it is here:NAJB: Month Two in Review

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To Keep You Going

It’s been a long week for us here at Noah’sTheBoss Central what with me turning 8 weeks old and getting my first immunization needles. I’ve also discovered that the girl that’s been hanging around me every day of my life is really nice. So nice in fact, that I’ve not wanted her to put me down much at all this week. I’ve even heard her say that I’ve been “clingy” and “cranky”. Whatever! I just know what I want and how to get it.

Because I thought that people might be hearing about this new “phase” I am going through, I wanted to remind you all that I can be cute and there are time when I do smile and giggle. It’s just that life’s rough right now and sometimes a little dude just wants a cuddle, some food and some sleep. Is that so bad?

Plus, I’ve been growing!! On my 8 week birthday or whatever it is called, I weighed in at 13lb 14.5oz! That’s right, almost a full stone of pure cuddliness to love. That takes it out of a guy! Just look at the way I barely fit into my moses basket!!

Monster Baby in Basket

I’m so big that my Mommy even had to cave in and let me sleep somewhere that I could thrash about safely until I passed out…

Sleepy Cheeks

And I’m not just growing in weight and height, you know. My personality is growing. I am smiling a lot more, and not because I have gas/wind or because my Mommy is being crazy again, but because I feel like it. In fact, sometimes I have to give thought to whether I am in the mood to…

Thinking about a smile

But most of the time I give in because I know I’ll get an even bigger one back…

Smiling Noah

Now I’ve got to go and have a cry to let my parents know I mean business about having a nap. So have a peep at me getting down to some MC Hammer and let’s hope she remembers how much I loved her when we’re in Toronto next week and I’m spreading my love around to everyone else!!


Can’t Touch What?! from Kirsty B on Vimeo.

and P.S: for those of you who noticed that I loved spending time with “Bubbles” my changemat, I am happy to announce that “Bubbles” has been retired to Post Bathing Naked Time only and I now get to be changed on this posh number ..

Noah on Changemat

It even has a pillow! So worthy of a definite reach out.. if only it could reach back.

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I’m Still Here

For all of you wondering where I’ve been the past week of my life (an entire 1/7th of it), I’ve been here in recovery mode. One day I will write a story about it, but in the meantime I just wanted to let everyone know that all is okay with me (my Mommy I’m not so sure about. Man can she cry a lot. Even more than I do and I’m a baby!!). I’ve been spending my days recuperating and getting longer and stronger for my trip to Canada.

Guarding His Grill 15.4.08

I’ve also been chilling out in my favourite place: On my Daddy…

Noah and Daddy in bed

Practising my dancing (I was rocking out to Aerosmith and Run D.M.C last night), discovering that I can make my hands move the dangling things on my playmat and I’ve been doing intense smile practice.

Smiling on Sunday

Smiling on Monday
Most of my time though, has been spent mastering looking cute. My Mommy and Daddy say that I don’t have to try, but I want to make sure that this isn’t just because they HAVE to say it. I want to make sure that everyone I meet on my big trip (in less than two weeks!) will agree with them.

What do you think?

I'm Cute

Yeah, you’re right, I’ve got nothing to worry about!