Guess who got distracted again?

Seriously.  How do real bloggers do it? How does anyone who has two under 4s do anything.  Just when I think I am getting the hang of it, something comes up and I am 10 steps back.   It’s not like I haven’t had things to write about.  I mean we’ve had Christmas, temper tantrums, failed toilet training, visits to Sick Kids, sick kids, sick parents, and even had the 3D preview of our upcoming arrival.

But my head. My head has been a mess.  Go to bed each night with a firm TO DO List and then wake up the next morning wondering if anyone would notice me hiding behind the glider in the bedroom avoiding the list of things that need to be done.  When Noah was en route, we were pretty much on schedule with everything.  The nursery was slowly coming together, the essentials were purchased, the hospital bags traveled in the car wherever we went.    Amy came along for the ride and we were about 4 steps behind but knew that we had most of what we needed already so there was no panic.

This time I am totally in a panic.  Inside.  Outside I just kind of look like something in between a patient from Girl Interrupted and a hobo.  So, mostly normal.

It’s February and I am way behind on Christmas thank you cards.  Noah’s birthday is in 24 days and I meant to pick him up all of these things he wanted in the post Christmas sales.  Oh and he wants a dragon cake.  Because for some reason he believes that I am capable of making one.  I can slap a pattern on some fondant to make a theme, but shaping a cake into something more than a number? You’re fooling yourself, child.

Oh, and we’re 10 weeks out from being a family of 5 and we don’t have an infant car seat, never mind a car that can hold all of us.  Which is kind of okay, because let’s be honest … as if I will mentally be prepared to venture out in public before 2013.

They are all things that will come together, but in my head there are just toooooo many.  And when I write down everything that needs to be done, I want to kick Michelle Duggar in the vagina for making it seem soooooooo easy with 19 kids.  I didn’t find it easy with one, until I had two.

So that’s where we are.  Or at least where I am.  Lee is actually at work.  Where he is most days.  Unless he needs to work from home because Amy’s eye is deciding to play tricks on us and has us driving through rush hour traffic at silly o’clock to Sick Kids and making me dislike the general public even more, since you and both know that if people would just learn to merge properly, traffic would flow much better!  MUCH!  Why am I not the Minister of LEARN HOW TO DRIVE YOU FREAKING IDIOTS!!!!!!! ?

Amy is trying to have  a nap at 3.30pm.  This does NOT work.  I repeat DOES NOT.  But she’s been so sick lately that her schedule is totally out of whack.  Schedule. HAHAHAH I put Amy and schedule into the same sentence.  That is hysterical.  If there is anything that she isn’t, it is scheduled.  And boy doesn’t she let us know it.  Because we all want to play at 4am or deal with her melt downs at 5 minutes past WAIT I FORGOT I’M TIRED o’clock.  I can’t wait until she is waking the baby up constantly by yelling NEBER! NUFFING! NEBER! NO!.  Those will be fun times.

Then there is Noah.  Who is playing in the basement, because down there he can poo and I can’t catch him and try and put him on the toilet.  What is the deal?!  I know it’s part lazy on our side but it’s a big part CRAZY on his side.  He wants to go to a school where he can wear a diaper.  Because let’s be real.  Who has time to sit on a toilet?  Especially when Zoboomafoo is on.  Or when the pirate ship is saving the dinosaurs from extinction.

As for this baby, who isn’t officially called Hamster but that seems to be what most people know him/her as, well s/he has been letting me know that they are getting ready.  Head down, head butting my bones, wriggling and kicking to let me know that time is a coming.  We saw him/her on the 3D scan and they totally performed.  We even saw baby nipples.  And the way s/he cuddled the umbilical cord was too sweet.  If not frightening.  So now when there is an hour free of movement I’m all WAKE UP, DON’T BE USING THAT THING AS A SCARF!

Right, NOW that’s where we are.

And to make up for the mish mash of moaning above, I will make sure the next post is photo heavy.  You know you can’t wait.  Or at least pretend you can’t.  My fragile emotional state can’t really handle the rejection at the moment.

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My Threats They Are But Empty

Remember last month (it was only yesterday, so I hope you remember it at least a little)?  The sun was shining … in Canada… and I was threatening everyone with all of these new entries now that I have nothing I cannot speak about.  Ahh yeah.  The memories are still so fresh.  And yet, I wrote nothing.  I’ve got photos sitting on Flickr waiting to be put into a blog entry and at least eight times a day I make myself laugh hysterically and think .oO(oh I’ve got to share this one!).  There are videos that haven’t been put on to Vimeo and so many photos that haven’t even been rotated to stop the blood rushing into the head of the midgets.

So what have I been doing instead?  Oh, you know.  Nothing.

Seriously.  Before bed every night I lie there and sort out a list in my head of everything that I need to do the next day to help get this house sorted for the move.  To make sure that we don’t pack the things we don’t need and not ship over things that are necessities.  Do you know what Noah would do if his Crocs went on the boat and not on the plane!? MAJOR DRAMA!

It is hard though. With people coming in to pack for you, there is only so much you can prepare.  Lee is almost completely done the dismantling of furniture that he needed to flat pack for the shippers.  Do you realise what this means?!  This means the contents of these dressers and china cabinets and toy shelves … are all over the freaking house.

Instead of two steps forward, I feel like I am living inside of a Garage Sale!

Speaking of which .. I have started to Ebay things.  Like Noah and Amy’s clothes from when they were 0-3 months old.  Because I was holding on to those, why?! We have learned that I am THE WORLD’S SLOWEST LISTER on Ebay.  It has taken me 5 days to list 40 items.  That is not good.  Not good at all.   Though I do make some great ads and we have managed to sell the oddest items!  Unfortunately we are at the point where quantity trumps quality and I am struggling, folks.  Struggling!

So in order to get on top of everything, I have reverted to what I normally do when stressed or depressed; I go out of my way to do absolutely nothing.  It’s like 98% of my working brain shuts off and the 2% that is allowed to continue is too short on disk space to perform operations as normal.

Instead of packing and tossing away, I’ve been baking cookies.  And eating cookies.  Making pizzas.  And eating pizzas.  I’ve been stocking up on microwave popcorn.  And eating microwave popcorn.  I’ve been cooking a lot.  And eating.   I think we can all see where this is leading, and it’s ugly.

Mama needs her mojo back because we’ve got a plane to catch and less than 2 weeks until we are officially homeless.

Forget the pork and beans, I need the cigarette lighter to light a fire under my ass.  My ever expanding ass.