Today should be a happy day, but instead it is a sad day. One I’ve dreaded coming for the past nine months and one which I wasn’t sure how I’d handle when it actually arrived. Depending on the hour, the answer actually changes. I’ve gone from being completely spaced out to bursting into tears to having proper gutbusting laughs.

Today is my Dad’s birthday.

Or at least it should have been. Not would have, but should have. I’m going through a bit of an anger phase right now because I know had he been to a doctor or spent less time looking after other people and more looking after himself, he’d more than likely be celebrating today. Instead, it is just a day that breaks my heart that little bit more. It seems every time I start putting the pieces back together, an anniversary or birthday or something comes along to knock me back to square one.

Though let’s be honest, at this point square one is a hell of a lot better than square -3454324194 which is where I was from August – November.

I am not going to do that thing where I start to say things to my Dad in my blog. I wrote him a birthday card and said what I needed to say, and if there is any truth to what everyone tries to tell me – that he knows – well then he knows. And if not, then at least it has helped me get through this occasion and without medication – RESULT!

I wanted to post a couple of photos on here that I’ve rediscovered recently that show me and my Dad through the years, but I have been too lazy to go get a scanner. Hey, people tell me to act as my Dad would want/expect and well, he knows I am a lazy bastard. However, I have a photo from us walking down the aisle at my wedding and I have no idea what we were looking at, but someone must have caught our eye because we are looking at the exact same thing and although it appears he is showing his nerves on his face, I’ve just realised that look may be stifled pain from the death grip I’ve got on him.

That day he may have had a hard time dealing with ‘losing’ his daughter, but he had no idea that after 29 years of being his biggest fan, nothing on earth could change how much I adored and loved him.

And nothing has.

My Daddy and Me

People keep telling me that when you get older, you stop enjoying your birthday. Having turned 31 years old 3 days ago, I have to say that I wholeheartedly disagree. I’ve enjoyed my birthday. AND more importantly, I will continue to enjoy it until I run out of people to celebrate with.

Sure, a birthday can be looked upon as celebrating another year gone by or one less to go, but I chose not to see it that way. To me, it is like Christmas, but just for me. It is a day where I want everyone to be happy … with me being happiest of course. It’s not just my birthday that should be celebrated this way. EVERYONE should celebrate each birthday like it is their last. Don’t get complacent with your life, celebrate it, and let your loved ones celebrate you. It only happens once a year (though you can be like me and count half birthdays too). I’m someone who sees a lot of negative in everything, so I try and focus all of my positive into birthdays.

This birthday has been as wonderful and they come. We may have had to wake up at 4.00am to get where we were going, and we may have experienced two wholly crap Mexican restaurants (what was I expecting from Mexican in Cornwall?!), ran over a bunny and not experienced surfing in the cold cold Atlantic, but we laughed. We laughed more than I have laughed in a long time. My jaw is still a bit sore from smiling and laughing so much. We walked on the beach, played ping pong, watched the surfers in pure amazement, ate crab and lobster, and just laughed.

One of the only things better than birthdays, is laughing. When I truly laugh, I am truly happy; and this past weekend I truly laughed. There were moments of tears, but they were not all consuming, and in the end we laughed.

And now.. I want to move to Newquay. I want to be looking out onto the same ocean that crashes against the beach in St.Kitts. I want the happier, healthier, less stressed life that comes with living by the ocean. It was like Vancouver meets St. Kitts meets England. A perfect blend of the countries that are part of me now. If only I could win the lottery to afford to move there.

For now, I’ll just have to keep having birthdays. I don’t mind.

Really, I don’t.

Below you will find photographic evidence of the natural beauty contained not only within myself, but within the English South-West coast.

Lee at Fistral

Us at Fistral

Windswept

Us at fifteen

fifteen at thirty-one