Dear Lizzie,

Today I sneaked out of work with 3 of my colleagues and braved the blustery winds of Central Milton Keynes to go wave a cheap paper flag and stand behind the cold metal barriers that lined the route you were taking to officially open The Hub. If not for the warmth of my unborn child, I fear I may have succumb to hypothermia out there. My fingertips were freezing because I did not have my mittens which were in my car which was on my driveway because I figured your arrival was going to mess up the parking outside our office.

Now I know that you cannot control the weather, but you can at least make an effort to be on time. It was appalling how you arrived without a care in the world over 20 minutes late. Had you been on Probation you would have received a stern warning and I did consider sending out an enforcement letter to you to make you aware that the breach of the trust of “your public”, who believe that they can depend on you to be punctual, is a serious matter.

Worse than your tardiness however, was the way you sped by the crowds. Even when the car turned onto the pedestrian walkway that was in front of us, no effort was made to slow down and allow your subjects more than a fleeting glance of you in your purple outfit. We had been told that you were going to get out and walk past. We understand that it was very cold out there, we should know as we were the ones waiting for ages for your arrival. At the very least you could have had the driver slow to a crawl. You were safe, there was a sniper on the roof of the hotel. I know the people of Milton Keynes are not the most attractive folk in England, but they are not THAT scary! I mean, have you taken a look at your own heir to the throne? He’s no supermodel.

At least your husband was friendly and giving it his all with his massive smile and waving. You looked like you’d rather be getting a barium enema as you forced that half grimace and lifted your hand ever so slightly to semi-acknowledge that we were all there. Honestly, half an effort would have been better than none. Just because you looked good, didn’t excuse your poor performance.

From what I heard, you were no more sociable at the Football Stadium! Driving around it instead of walking. Seriously. You should have just cancelled if you were not feeling well. You should have declined the invitations if you really didn’t want to be here. It is not like you haven’t done so in the past.

In closing, I just want to say that as one of the millions of people who are forced to pay your salary, I am very disappointed. You should be thankful that you don’t have an official boss or else I’d be petitioning for a decrease in your pay or a demotion. I’m sure Camilla would have at least acted more the part. Or heck, you could have sent one of your grandsons. They would have had much more of a turn out as well.

All I can say is, mutton dressed as lamb.

Sad. Just sad.


Once Upon A Time…

..there was a Little Tiny Human who was growing and growing and growing in preparation for life on The Outside.  While this Little Tiny Human was growing his (or her) mommy made loads and loads of room in her tummy for that Little Tiny Human to play and swim about.  More importantly, her (or his) mommy’s tummy grew to make sure that the Little Tiny Human could grow.

BoB's Momma's Belly 28w1d

The Little Tiny Human’s mommy and daddy came home from work early one day so that they could go see the Magical Midwife who had the best powers of all.  She had a magic wand like thing that let the Little Tiny Human’s parents listen to his (or her) heartbeat.  Sometimes between visits, her (or his) mommy would get sad for lots and lots of reasons, but every time she got to hear the Little Tiny Human’s heartbeat, she was so happy she could POP!

Luckily she didn’t, or else the Little Tiny Human wouldn’t be able to grow to a good size.

Anyway, the Little Tiny Human’s parents went to see the Magical Midwife and she had the mommy hop up on the table and said that she would give the Little Tiny Human a “good poke” to see where he (or she) was hiding.  Low and behold, she didn’t have to look far, because right below the ribs was the Little Tiny Human’s head.

BoB's Head: 28w1d

The mommy and daddy oohed and aahed because they thought all along that it was the Little Tiny Human’s bum that was sitting there and that the numb ribs were a result of some kicks.   But the Magical Midwife also showed the mommy where the knees were.

BoB's Knees: 28w1d

At the end of all of the poking, the Magical Midwife told the Little Tiny Human’s parents that there was a “healthy sized baby” living in that tummy, and the Little Tiny Human’s parents went away happy!!

The Little Tiny Human’s mommy then couldn’t stop wiggling the Little Tiny Human’s knees.  This either tickled the baby or made her (or him) upset because the Little Tiny Human would start wriggling them away.  To get back at the over-excited mommy, the Little Tiny Human decided that he (or she) would spend the entire next day trying to snuggle as close to her ribs as possible.  Because the mommy was at work all day and couldn’t keep stretching all of the way back to set the Little Tiny Human free, her back hurt her Oh So Much.

A Special BoB Backache

Even though her back hurt her Oh So much, the Little Tiny Human’s mommy was still so happy that the Little Tiny Human was doing so well in there.  The only thing she could ask for was that the Little Tiny Human would wriggle himself (or herself) down to a place where there were no bones to poke and prod.  Maybe in the middle of her ever expanding tummy.

In The Middle

At least if the Little Tiny Human was resting in the middle, her (or his) mommy could get more done because it wouldn’t be Oh So uncomfortable to bend or sit down.  And when the Little Tiny Human played lower down, it was a lot easier to hold him (or her).

BoB 28w1d

At the end of the day, the Little Tiny Human’s parents were just happy that the Little Tiny Human was there at all and even wedged up against the ribs, or wriggling about, or kicking her (or his) mommy over and over again, the Little Tiny Human’s parents couldn’t stop smiling.   At least the daddy couldn’t, the mommy was working on it.

Smiley Momma 28w1d

Smiley Momma 28w1d II


Ups and Outs

Today was a good day. Mostly.

I had to go for an assessment of My Crazy.  Fingers were crossed, jaws clenched and breath was held… but I walked out a free woman and not tied to a bed as some people predicted.  Apparently, I am doing well.. which was a bit of a surprise considering how crap I have actually been doing, but whether The Kind Lady said it to make me feel better or because she was being genuine there was a huge weight lifted off of us when I called Lee from The Outside to let him know that I was walking..of my own free will.. back to the car, and I was even going to go back to work.

Us Happy

That’s us happy.  Not happy because our eyebrows are almost at a point where they are matching or because my eyes are so swollen that you cannot see that I have eyelashes… but happy because today for the first time I saw a fleeting glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.  It went as fast as it came, but the fact that it was there at all makes a whole world of difference.

Tomorrow we are off to be even more proactive.  I have my 28 weeks check-up with the midwife and we are telling her that we’ve decided not to go with our lovely local alternative of Milton Keynes General, but to travel further out of town to make BoB the Baby from Banbury.  It’s all about the alliteration. In fact, BoB the Baby from Banbury will be born in the Horton Hospital.  And no, it’s not for the Timbits or Double Double.  Though I am sure that at some point during my “stay” there, I will wish that I could have a jelly doughnut or some old fashioned glazed.

But I digress.  So yes, tomorrow is Tell The Midwife Where We’re Going Day and discuss when I can see her to get her to sign a You Can Fly Home Safely Form, in case Air Canada doesn’t believe that I am only going to be 30 weeks pregnant.  hahaha I said only 30 weeks.  That is two more weeks for me to “blossom” even more than I have over the past week.

I’m scaring myself because I am starting to get Pregnant Face and I already definitely have pregnant body, complete with the battle scars.

In fact, my basketball is becoming to big for my hands!!

BasketBoB 27w6d

Just check out the look on my face when I realised that I wasn’t quite able to grasp it in the same way. It’s pure confusion.

BasketBoB 27w6d Part Deux

Yes, my BasketBoB is bigger. My belly is as hard as a rock, my belly button has retreated and seems to have given up the fight, but this baby is determined to grow and grow and grow until he or she can fight her way out.  In fact, this afternoon I swear there was some sort of secret mission as I felt BoB slowly move around checking for sweet spots where he or she could punch through as though I was that game on The Price is Right where they punched through the paper circles for money.  I loved that game.  I don’t so much love an elbow or heel attempting an escape.

Let’s face it… any which way you turn me… I’m big.  Huge.

BoB 27w6d

And now from the other side…

BoB 27w6d II

My back is starting to ache and my belly is getting a bit of a waddle of its own going on.  The backache I can do without. The waddle…it amuses me because  it is like BoB is marching in there.  Whilst I walk you can see the belly go left..right..left.. right.. it keeps me entertained.

Hey, don’t laugh.  There are worse things I could turn to for some quick and easy thrills.

For now though, I’ll enjoy my freedom and try and take each day as they come. I may fail miserably, but I won’t find out until I try.

As I was walking down the stairs at work today, I happened to come across one of the ladies that I work with.  As she passed she didn’t say anything, but then stopped and said something that made me blink so hard I couldn’t believe my ears/eyes.  She actually said “Oh Kirsten, I didn’t realise that you were pregnant.. how exciting”

Disbelief 27w3d

I swallowed hard and said, well it is exciting now since there are less than 13 weeks to go with a cheesy smile on my face.  On the inside, I felt more like…

Not happy 27w3d

I did what I had originally set out to do and then returned to tell some of my other colleagues what had transpired on my brief travels.  They told me to consider the source (to be fair, the lady’s nickname is Janet from another Planet..even though her name is not Janet) and we had a good laugh.

Ha Ha 27w3d

And then I came home to share the news with Lee that perhaps she is right. Perhaps there is not a baby under here but a beer belly, or a wheel of cheese.

Mmmm Edam 27w3d


Sleepy Hollow

At 2.42 this morning our phone rang.  I woke up (I was barely asleep) to get it, there was no one there.  Being exhausted I just wanted to fall asleep.  BoB had other ideas.  Either he or she was already awake having a one man party in my belly, or we now know that his or her startle reflex works well for I spent the next 20 minutes trying to rub my tummy soothingly to calm the baby down.

I gave up.

There has been one positive that has come out of my inability to stay asleep (and no, crying is not one of them…neither is waking up and looking like I’m 59) … the tossing and turning is like a work out.  It is keeping me “fit”.  I put fit in quotes because let’s be serious, I’m not fit but at least I am no less fit than I was before.  By the time mid-Feb rolls around, I should have some serious biceps from pushing my entire body off of the mattress to turn over.

Now it is coming up to 7.30 in the morning and all I want to do is cry, curl up in a ball and rock myself to sleep.

Come on, I’ve only got approximately 88 days left to sleep!!!!!  Please please please .. I need all I can get.  Now I await for someone to tell me how I go about doing that.


6 down, 3 to go!

No,  I am not talking about scoring in a football game (NFL to the Brits who are wondering what I am talking about), but progress in this pregnancy.

Today marked our 6 Months Milestone.  We are now 2/3 of the way there and the last third seems to be flying by.  These people who told me that it starts to slow down better be right. However, I fear that these are the same people who told me that I’d feel wonderful after the 12th week, then 14th, then 16th… and then gave up.

Well, tomorrow is 27 weeks and I finally feel good – exhausted and extremely sore from painting our room.. never mind the nursery that umm.. well, let’s not go there right now… but most importantly, GOOD.

That means there are only 13 weeks to go  grow!  And growing we have been.  At least I have.

H&M is still my favourite place on earth because so many of the clothes I’ve bought (and there really aren’t many) seem to mask this ever increasing bump from the front on view.  So thank you to the tiny hands that have most likely worked for way too little and way too hard to produce these fairly priced articles of clothing.  My self esteem thanks you.

Anyway, here we are at 6 months!

From the front:

BoB 26w6d Front

And Profile:

BoB 26w6d Profile

Yes, that’s all real.  No, there is no pregnancy pad involved.

Oh and even better – I’m wearing sweat pants that are pre-pregnancy.  Thank you Old Navy!!   Comfort is the gift that keeps on giving and a comfy me is a comfy BoB which makes for a happy Lee!

Let’s just hope that there is a lot of leg room on the flight to Toronto in less than a month because I think BoB and I are going to need all of the InFrontOfUs space that we can get!


I’m Nice on the Inside…Really

Last night, Lee and I went to the Sally Ann box to donate some clothes; 8 large garbage bags, 2 large shopping bags and a weekender sized suitcase fully of clothes. We left feeling very good about ourselves. We are hoarders. We are the people who keep everything .. just in case. So it took a lot to part me with so many of my clothes (over half the loot was mine), but with 93 days until the Estimated Due Date it just had to be done.

Being the lazy people we are, we figured that our mass donation was our good deed for the year. That is until today when we were leaving the supermarket, only for me to notice a lady’s purse hanging from a shopping cart. I stood next to it and looked around the parking lot to see if anyone was returning for it. And no one was. Someone had unloaded all of their groceries and left their purse there …. and as Lee pointed out.. the wallet was sticking straight out of the top. We returned to the store and waited in the Customer Service line to hand it in. The lady behind the desk was surprised; especially when she saw the stack of money in the wallet. I, never even thought to look there. Anyway, I left my name and number and address (even though I was a bit nervous about leaving my details for some stranger to have… says the girl who married a man she met on the Internet) and when I got home I noticed that there was a message on my phone. A very gracious message from the owner of the handbag.

After weeks of trying to sleep and using my limited energy to think of ways not to be sick, this weekend has been chock full of doing things around the house, at the shops and upping my Good Karma Rating.. and at the end of it, although I feel exhausted, I feel good.

I knew I was nice. I just had to dig deep inside to find it.

Lee and I have been in our house now for 32 months. That’s right, 4 months shy of 3 years. We have done some sort of change to every room in the house since moving in – some minor, some major. The one room that has suffered most is our bedroom. We had grand plans back in the day when we were sleeping on an air mattress (that also doubled as our sofa during the day). However, those plans faded when we decided to strip the wallpaper and discovered that behind this wallpaper were two unfinished walls. One even lacking a basic skim.

So we continued to strip it because there is no going back when you make a discover like we did. But that’s it. Other than the new furniture, the walls stayed as they were. Oh, other than the test areas where different shades of blue and terracotta show the original and improved ideas were tried out.

Since the baby is coming and we want to get out of here, we thought that perhaps it was about time to take apart the monstrosity that was the wardrobe we bought from the previous owners. Not only did it take up a massive amount of space (okay, our massive bed doesn’t help either but it’s comfortable damn it!), but we couldn’t access the electrical socket next to it because of the huge plug heads in this country. Are they even called plug heads?

Anyway, today was the day. It all came down… and when it did, Lee called me in to show me that behind the wardrobe lay a surprise… a lilac coloured wall. Odd since the rest of the room was yellow to start with. Also odd considering the female half of the previous owners was supposedly a bedroom interior designer.

Luckily, we own the largest container of white paint and tomorrow, the lilac shall be but a fleeting memory and finally the “urban room” will begin to take shape and turn into the more appropriate “mature parents’ bedroom”.

Okay okay, we’re not mature, but we are more mature than we were 32 months ago!!!


Double Dribble

My midwife suggested that I exercise before bed to increase the chances of me sleeping through the night. I’ve taken her advice on board and decided to practise my dribbling skills and take up basketball.

BasketBoB 26w1d

Over the past few days there has been some panic in this house.  BoB went from being hyper active Sunday night to deciding to play hide and seek ever since.  The main problem being that a) no one told me that we were playing … and b) he/she was hiding for way too long.   Much googling was done to see if everything was okay, sugar was consumed, Ginger Ale poured down my throat to add a little bit of bubbly to the party and still… nada.  I even called the midwife today, but hung up when she didn’t answer.

When I got home we sat in the dark and played Scare The Baby With The Flashlight, Shake The Belly Until It Hurts and Blame Each Other For All of the Problems in the World Because It’s Easier Than Thinking About the Alternative.  There were some movements, but we couldn’t I wasn’t sure that it was not gas.

Then, I cried.

and then Lee soothed my by putting my hair into four braids.

and then BoB decided to wake up and play. And play. And play. And play. And has been playing ever since.  In fact, this child may be preparing for the 2024 Olympics with the amount of front and back flips he or she has decided to practice. And you know what?  Bring it on! It may be uncomfortable (the non-stop movement, not the hair) but I’ll deal with it.  In fact, I welcome it.

And do you know how we celebrated?  Rather… do you know how I celebrated?  By eating celery with Laughing Cow triangles.  Because I’m classy like that.  Actually, now that I think about it, it may be the celery that has sent BoB loopy. After all, it was the celery that gave me the heart palpitations in the early days.   Aha… now I have a secret weapon for when I panic.  A logical person may choose to go with the fact that my stomach has grown since Monday (as three different people pointed out to me today.. because apparently I don’t notice this thing sticking out in front of me… nor do I notice when my belly button hurts from attempted popping because they seem to point out that I am holding my stomach over my belly button as well).

So yes, BoB the Ninja is back from hiatus and taking full advantage of the opportunity to expand his or her mansion whilst he or she still has the time and energy to do so!

At 26 weeks and 1 day, here is what BoB (the belly) and Lee (the hair) have done to me:

PippiBigBelly 26w1d

I am loving this shirt. It’s non-maternity but it is so comfy.  I do not think it will fit in two weeks though, so I need to get it out there as much as I can right now.

Side View 26w1d

Just looking at that photo makes me feel like I am going to fall over.

Left Belly 26w1d

A zoom in of the left side with arms in the air.  Took all of my energy for that!

And finally… the shot that absolutely cracks me up.

The Girl Who Swallowed A Basketball:

NBA Baby!

Thank you again H&M for the decent priced jeans that have done a wonderful job the past couple of months.  So comfortable and non-maternity looking that someone even said today “I’m so impressed that you’re still in your pre-baby jeans”.

Thing is, I can still get them on, but BoB doesn’t enjoy the fit and if I try and stick them under the bump they gather and.. well, it’s not pretty.