Please do not come here thinking that I am going to teach you how to make the best birthday cake ever. Please do not mistake yourself by thinking that I am the new Duff and I will be the Queen of Cakes. In fact, I’m more the Joker.

But as Luca and Noah’s 2nd birthday party creeps up on us, I am determined to make them a cake from scratch. The problem here? I’ve never made a cake from scratch before, let alone shape one or decorate it. I’ve never coloured icing, or rolled it out or attempted to cover said shaped cake with this fragile confectionery product.

With my Logic Advisor by my side, however, I managed to pull off something alright. The cake itself – AWESOME. Even after the panic that the batter looked like scrambled eggs or dough. Even after the panic that the dough smelled of bacon. Even after my serious lacking in scissor skills showed itself and the Logic Advisor was called in to rescue my pathetic attempt at a circle. The cakes – that’s right .. PLURAL – made their way into the oven and came out tasting like someone who knew what they were doing had been at the helm.

Baked Cakes

Bakes Cakes

While the cakes baked, I have the also completely foreign task of kneading icing and then colouring it – we were going for Numberjack 2 Orange. Let me start by saying that I attempted to “colour” some of the cookies I made at Christmas. Instead of being red or even pink, they came out looking like they were simply overcooked. So to turn something orange was a feat I took on with little hope and great fear. For a while there I thought that I was going to end up with a tie-dye iced cake. But perseverance and encouragement from the Logic Advisor led to a suitably orange product. Not the blinding orange I was after, but something I was content with.

Orange Icing - not Velveeta

Orange Icing - not Velveeta

From a honking ball of dough, I somehow needed a nice and thin sheet to drape over the cakes. This took me a while to master as I didn’t have the perfect surface space to work with and my rolling pin was a £1 Tesco special that would stick to Teflon. However, I rolled and rolled and scrunched it all up and rerolled and it came out looking quite alright, if I do say so myself.

The thinnification of icing

The thinnification of icing

Unfortunately at this juncture, the Logic Advisor and myself were faced with two unexpected and unhelpful obstacles in the shape of midgets. It should have been obvious that things were running too smoothly and something had to happen to throw us off piste.

So as we settled the littlest midget and got her back to sleep, we decided to allow the larger to sit in the kitchen while we attempted to finish the practice cake. With the assistance of the stencil the Logic Advisor roughly sketched, it came time to shape the cakes. Now I don’t even like cutting the cake at a birthday party and didn’t enjoy the cutting of the cake at our wedding because when it comes to precision hand eye coordination, I am not ashamed to say, I completely lack this skill. But with the guidance of the stencil and the Logic Advisor easing my fears, I managed to produce a rough 2 shape (in the photo it is ‘painted’ with jam to help adhere icing).

Two into 2

Two into 2

With the time delay, the icing was no longer a willing participant in this project and my once pliable friend was starting to stick and tear and crack. So I just threw it over to see if without my obstacles, might I be able to pull this off.

At very least...its a two and tasty!

At very least...it's a two and tasty!

Yes, it looks messy and some horrible patch jobs show, but it was 20 past 12 on a school night and I just wanted my bed. I do believe that I could do it nicely on the real go round, however I cannot wrap my head around how sweet the icing is, so am debating doing more of a buttercream frosting instead.

Now, I feel I must go and eat some cake scraps. Holy tasty cake!