Sundays were the best days when I was growing up.  Not that I enjoyed church.  Especially in the Caribbean with no breeze coming through the window and everyone trying to fan themselves, and instead creating a very special, one of kind aromatic experience.    And not because it was Eat At Grandmom’s House day, though it was and I always loved that kind of day.   I loved Sundays because it was a definite Beach Day!  Frigate Bay, Banana Bay, Half Moon Bay … wherever! Playing in the waves, swimming, splashing, attempting to body surf, jumping the waves, eating soggy Pringles and drinking warm Coke out of hot glass bottles.  LOVED it.

What I didn’t love so much, was the mandatory hose down in the front yard afterwards.  No one lived behind our house or on either side of us, so you’d think that those options would be more suitable.  But no, it was always in the front where my Dad swore no one could see (oh they could, and those than couldn’t heard about it in school the next day).

Now that I am not naked in public with 3 perfectly fine showers inside of the house mere feet away from the puddle of embarrassment and sand I was stood in, I look back on those Hose Offs and laugh.

Unfortunately we live no where near a beach.  And in fact, this summer has been far more Autumnal than sunshine and swimming pools.  This has not given me much opportunity to create memories that will shame and embarrass the midgets while providing me with laughter.   I am failing as a parent.  Or I was until this afternoon.  The sun came out – too late to fill the inflatable pool – so I whipped the play sinks out of the shed and filled them up with water which was then carried back and forth and thrown on each other.  When the sinks were empty and their bums were covered in grass, I offered to hose them off.  They are smart.  They turned me down without a moment’s deliberation.

But they are not too smart, because they didn’t mind the offer of a bath; with no water.


1 Aug 2011


ME: 1 – Midgets 0!!!


My Threats They Are But Empty

Remember last month (it was only yesterday, so I hope you remember it at least a little)?  The sun was shining … in Canada… and I was threatening everyone with all of these new entries now that I have nothing I cannot speak about.  Ahh yeah.  The memories are still so fresh.  And yet, I wrote nothing.  I’ve got photos sitting on Flickr waiting to be put into a blog entry and at least eight times a day I make myself laugh hysterically and think .oO(oh I’ve got to share this one!).  There are videos that haven’t been put on to Vimeo and so many photos that haven’t even been rotated to stop the blood rushing into the head of the midgets.

So what have I been doing instead?  Oh, you know.  Nothing.

Seriously.  Before bed every night I lie there and sort out a list in my head of everything that I need to do the next day to help get this house sorted for the move.  To make sure that we don’t pack the things we don’t need and not ship over things that are necessities.  Do you know what Noah would do if his Crocs went on the boat and not on the plane!? MAJOR DRAMA!

It is hard though. With people coming in to pack for you, there is only so much you can prepare.  Lee is almost completely done the dismantling of furniture that he needed to flat pack for the shippers.  Do you realise what this means?!  This means the contents of these dressers and china cabinets and toy shelves … are all over the freaking house.

Instead of two steps forward, I feel like I am living inside of a Garage Sale!

Speaking of which .. I have started to Ebay things.  Like Noah and Amy’s clothes from when they were 0-3 months old.  Because I was holding on to those, why?! We have learned that I am THE WORLD’S SLOWEST LISTER on Ebay.  It has taken me 5 days to list 40 items.  That is not good.  Not good at all.   Though I do make some great ads and we have managed to sell the oddest items!  Unfortunately we are at the point where quantity trumps quality and I am struggling, folks.  Struggling!

So in order to get on top of everything, I have reverted to what I normally do when stressed or depressed; I go out of my way to do absolutely nothing.  It’s like 98% of my working brain shuts off and the 2% that is allowed to continue is too short on disk space to perform operations as normal.

Instead of packing and tossing away, I’ve been baking cookies.  And eating cookies.  Making pizzas.  And eating pizzas.  I’ve been stocking up on microwave popcorn.  And eating microwave popcorn.  I’ve been cooking a lot.  And eating.   I think we can all see where this is leading, and it’s ugly.

Mama needs her mojo back because we’ve got a plane to catch and less than 2 weeks until we are officially homeless.

Forget the pork and beans, I need the cigarette lighter to light a fire under my ass.  My ever expanding ass.