Cuts Like a Knife

Until recently, Noah used to spend over an hour looking out of the window at nothing. In this time I could eat breakfast, shower, wash bottles and get the TV tuned onto the BBC for a morning of property developing/purchasing and auctions. He’s now decided that he does not want to enjoy the wonders of the window/headboard/duvet alone. How heartwarming to know that my 5 1/2 week old baby loves me so much that he wants me around him so much.

At least I thought that at first. Then I realised that sneaking my way into the shower was near impossible. Even if he fell asleep, he’d wake up mid lather … not even wait for the rinse, repeat bit! And when he realises that he is alone, the lungs open and the tears flow. Not heartwarming, heartbreaking.

So my aunt suggested that I put him in his swing in the bathroom while I shower. It sounded like a good idea and with the Health Visitor coming for Noah’s 6 week check it was imperative that I could give the impression that I was a proper functioning adult. Not easy on the best of days, but since she was the one that tried to getmy GP to refer me to the mental health team for postpartum, I can’t take any chances!

This morning started out wonderfully! Noah was smiling like he never smiled before, and then decided he wanted a nap. My old baby was back! So I ran downstairs, had some cereal, got the swing and came back up. I got everything ready for the shower so that I’d be quick. I plopped Noah in the swing, turned it on and jumped into the shower. As recommended, I kept popping my head out to let him know I was there. He was so quiet and just watching … the shower curtain. I couldn’t help but think that Cathy was a genius!

And then the shower was over. I got my hair towel and put it on, dried off and was about to step out of the tub when I saw the look of horror on Noah’s face: He’d spotted … the stretch marks. Usually before he cries he lets out a little squawk, but his face went beet red and he wailed and wailed like he’d never wailed before. His bottom lip was quivering like he was wet and naked in a blizzard.

And my heart broke. Totally rejected by a 39 day old.

Mom, Sue and Cath… today I discovered the polar opposite of a Definite Reach Out.

Leave A Comment