Rankish Teapants

Never has a month passed in your life where I have loved you more and more and more each day. My heart is so full to bursting that I am having chest pains.

Just Beat It

Your life has been turned on its head this month. You woke up 15 months old and things seemed normal. As normal as it is to be getting a truck load of new teeth all at once. But things were the same as they always were for you: you woke up, came in Mommy and Daddy’s room, demanded that one of us turn on the television for you, laid back on the pillows, drank your milk and started your day the You way.

The next day, Kadie and Zed arrived. Having been so “social” lately, we thought that you’d love a trip to the airport with Daddy to greet them and that they’d see what an outgoing boy you’d become. Only, you started to wail and continued the vocal exercising for much of the journey back to Milton Keynes. I like to tell myself that it was the realisation that you were not getting on a plane and in fact were returning to Milton Keynes that caused this outburst, because I’d have pretty much the same one if I were in your shoes.

Then the weekend came and we took you out and broke your “routine”, but you were okay with it because you were getting to do a lot of things that Mommy and Daddy would say “No!” to. And oh the fountains at the HUB, how you fell in love.

The Before

The After

Exactly a week after waking up as a 15 month old, as you’d come around to Kadie and Zed being a part of your daily routine, things changed again. You woke up at 4am to find me in the shower and although you were totally shattered and confused, you wanted to come in … because that’s how our day starts. After getting dressed we got into the car before it was totally light out and instead of passing right out, you just sat there staring as I made funny noises every few minutes. The next thing you know, we’re in a hospital … one which you love visiting normally, but you’d never been into one of these rooms (that you can remember since the last visit was the day you were born) and you weren’t liking that I had to keep bending over the bed and was moaning instead of playing with you. Kadie and Zed arrived and you went and hung out with Zed still remaining clueless as to what was going on.

It wasn’t until around 9 hours later when you finally got to see me again and had the look of total confusion on your face when you saw this little bundle of person in my arms.

You took to your little sister quickly and got over her quickly. In fact, you’ve been much that way ever since. When she’s alert you love to give her cuddles and tickles and poke her eyes, honk her nose and force her to play Pat-a-Cake with her hands or even her feet if those are easier to come by. When she’s in her swing the squeals of excitement that come from you can be heard in neighbouring counties. The looks in your eye range from “I wonder how fast I can make this go” to “I wonder if my Mommy would notice if I just fling myself on top of Amy” and the looks she returns range from “this guy is hilarious” to “someone HELP ME PLEASE”. You aren’t all hyper and physical with her now though. It has taken a few weeks, but you are starting to be concerned rather than annoyed when she cries. One more than one occasion you’ve come to get me when she starts to squirm and I’ve caught you trying to give her a soother because you know that it would make you feel better if you were crying and didn’t have one.

When your sister first arrived, there was a little adjustment period. You weren’t sure what was going on or what this meant for you. You didn’t quite get why Mommy had this tiny person attached to her and couldn’t do whatever it was you wanted when you wanted. And understandably, you took it out on me. It broke my heart and made me love you even more than I knew was possible. I cried a lot of tears because I was worried that you didn’t know that I still loved you just as much and even more than before and I couldn’t figure out a way to let you know.

Luckily, you had Kadie and Zed here to soften the blow of the arrival. They got you an amazing inflatable pool, filled the backyard with rocks, took you for walks, took you to the park, played with you at Rugrats, let you eat whatever you wanted, and held your leg in the car when I couldn’t reach. I’m not sure that either of us would have survived that initial period without them here to help. And as the days passed, and you realised that even if I am holding your sister, if you need me I will do whatever I can to help , we became friends again. And although we have less time to play alone or nap together or just share cuddles, every time we get a chance to, your smile is bigger than ever, the hugs are tighter and you fall asleep quicker. Amy’s arrival may have broken us initially, but we’ve repaired US even better than before!

This whole month hasn’t just been about becoming a Big Brother, but also the arrival of a whole bunch of new teeth. You went through a lot over the past month with the bumps coming up and going down and making it so hard for you to chew, but you have finally seen some relief. You hit 16 months old and had a total of 13 teeth! Only 7 more to go and quite a few should be here before 17 months arrives. In fact, some may come before the end of the week. There were whinges and some tears, a lot of weird faces and clenched jaws, but only once did you get any pain relief more than Dentinox and I made Daddy give you a half dose just in case you weren’t really cutting teeth. Thank you for still loving me after that too!!!

I only hope that your sister grows to have as much patience and forgiveness for my Silly Mommyness that you have for me. Right now she appears to have neither of those and it is making life in this house kind of hard. Once again you have shown yourself to be a superstar and Daddy and I have been so proud of you. When I get sad and frustrated about the dealings with a newborn again, Kadie points out that you have come out pretty damn well and she thinks that has something to do with me. I, on the other hand, believe that how you’ve come out has been in spite of the mother you’ve been alloted.

16 months on and you continue to amaze, astonish, confuse, make us laugh, fill us with love and be the best little boy I could ever hope for. It is hard for me to think that those first couple, few… bunch of months I saw no light at the end of the tunnel and now as we go through this with Amy, you give me immeasurable amounts of hope and shine ten suns worth of light at the end of the tunnel.

Though sometimes I forget that at 4 o’clock in the morning, so thank you for starting to sleep through when your sister isn’t.

You are a Super Star!

Happy Sixteen Months, GrumpyPumps!!!
Mommy Loves You!!

15 Months of Silly

You’ve made it to 15 months as an only child! There were days along the way in the past few weeks that we were not sure it would happen, but it has. I’m not sure that it means as much to you, but I have really enjoyed our past month together. Even if you decided to bring The Sick back and we decided to suffer at the same time.. with different ailments.. but we suffered. That part of the month, let’s not repeat.

Running Low On Steam

The rest of it we can though! Even the parts where you’ve decided that your best friend in the entire world is your Daddy. It started at the end of last month and trust me, this month was full of those moments/hours/days/weeks. It would appear that you only really need me now when it comes to bathing and sleeping. Otherwise, you’ve become a dude’s dude and sure it is okay if I’m there too, but you don’t really need your Mommy hanging around.

Just the Two of Us - I

Even if you do not need me around, I have loved watching how you follow your Daddy all over the backyard. How you call out for his attention with your finger gestures, just so he’ll look at you and you can bust a dance move or run to him with your eyes closed as you laugh so hard to yourself because of course you ARE the funniest person who has ever lived (that you get from me).

Run Forest Run

In fact, you’ve developed quite a few talents this month; spinning around in circles while stood up .. or whilst sat on your bum, trying so hard and getting so close to mimicking dance moves you see on television (Boogie Beebies is one of your favourite shows now), mastering the art of fork feeding, sleeping in a big boy bed with no bed rail, climbing up everything you see .. and most recently you’ve become addicted to participating along with my singing Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes. At first everything was your head, but you are learning and now you bend over and go straight for the toes. It makes me jealous because bending over is not something I can do easily these days!

Head and Shoulders…

Knees and Toes…

In fact, nothing has been easy to do the past couple of weeks and you seem to have sensed that and become even more independent than you were last month. Sure, you will try to get me to do everything, but you do give in easily and carry on your merry way and do it yourself. But you always come back for a quick cuddle to make sure that I know you still need me and maybe to check that I do need you too. Which is a given. A person can’t have someone like you come into their life and ever stop needing them. Your laugh is infectious, your smile is contagious and when your heart breaks with each tear you cry, you break my heart too. And when you sit there innocently doing something simple like eating a banana or your corn on the cob, or spinning the wheels of some toy, stroller or cart, I just want to scoop you up and cover you in kisses.

A Boy and His Banana

I’ve almost willed this month not to end. Not just because I am terrified about the arrival of your little brother or sister, but it has taken us so long to get here, that I am afraid of what is going to happen when your whole world is turned upside down and we don’t get to spend as much “us” time together as you are used to. I’m crossing my fingers that this baby will let us have our morning naps together at least because I really want there to be time each day where you get your Mommy all to yourself. We’ve tried hard to prepare you for the arrival, but I know you are still just a little dude as grown up as you seem, so now I need to remind myself to be patient with you and be understanding if you don’t just accept this change with open arms. You’ve worked so hard to get where you are now and it is all about to get flipped over on its head. I’ve asked a lot of you in the 15 months you’ve been around, and I’m asking once again to bear with me. This is new territory for us all.

Your World Flipped Upside Down

I promise, in 15 months I will not be telling you that you have to prepare for yet another sibling’s arrival. And if I do tell you that .. then look around for hidden television cameras, because one of us will just have been Punk’d. You have no idea what that means, but I am sure that it will be back on tv in syndication eventually and you will finally be filled in on the joke.

Thank you for yet another amazing month. Watching you grow up has become the greatest pastime a person could have. Though perhaps, it’d be even better without fevers or teething and those not so solid diapers you give us now and again. Month 16 is going to be a crazy one for all of us, but I promise you that I am going to love you even more next month than I have in any of the past ones and that you will still get as many cuddles as you need. Plus, your other best friend Zed is coming in a couple of days and bringing the one that feeds you anything you want (Kadie). You’re set! In fact, come to think of it, I hope you remember who I am by the end of next month!

The Happiest Little Boy Ever

Happy Fifteen Months, GrumpyPumps!!!
Mommy Loves You!!

To most people, yesterday was just another day. It came, it went, things happened, but it wasn’t memorable. It wasn’t the happiest day of their life, it wasn’t the saddest and by the end of the weekend they will struggle to remember what they ate for lunch or dinner.

I’m not most people.

Yesterday was one of the dates on the calendar that will always mean something to me and will never get easier. I wake up in the morning and the tears start to well. Throughout the day I try and stay occupied, but it is hard because I think about the What Ifs. By the end of the day I’m exhausted and I just can’t fight the tears anymore. And I can’t even blame the hormones.

My Dad should have turned 63 yesterday. He should have been sitting in St.Kitts saying how much he wished we could all celebrate together, but maybe next year. Though it wouldn’t really matter because he’d just be happy that his fourth grandchild in a year and a half was due to arrive at any moment.

And I know I shouldn’t think about how things would be or how I think they SHOULD be, but I cannot help it. I miss him. I miss him every single day of my life and cannot believe that so much time has passed and so many things have happened in all of our lives and he hasn’t been here to be a part of it with us. Each of us, his children, has had our life change in ways that he would be so proud of and ways he wanted so badly for us and for him .. and he doesn’t get to share any of it.

Sure, a lot of you would say that “he knows”, he’s always there, he’s better off … and a whole bunch of other thing that are meant to make me feel better, but don’t. I don’t need words, I don’t need hugs, I don’t need looks of “poor girl, you’ll be okay” and time will not heal no matter how many people say it.

Each year on the 22nd of May my heart shatters into a million pieces of sadness that cannot be helped no matter what. Sure, yesterday was better than the others that have passed as we were plenty occupied with two toddlers running around and falling over and into each other, but that just allows the pieces to shatter a little more slowly.

But this morning at 5.25am I was awaken with the pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter of two not so tiny toddler feet running across the creaky wood floors from his room to my bedside with arms out stretched wanting to join us in bed and it helped start to put the pieces back in place. And although I know my heart will never fully heal, moments like that help get it back to as whole as it can.

When getting Noah ready for bed last night I attempted to cut his toenails. This is no easy feat as he HATES it. You can rub his foot for ever, but touch the toenails and you’re out of there! This could be because he has inherited his toenails from my side of the family which requires a professional sander to remove the cuticles, but has not inherited my family’s love for picking at things.

Me to Noah: I am so sorry that Mommy gave you these horrible toenails.

Lee to Me: The good thing is that you know they came from you which means it shows I didn’t cheat on you and Noah is yours.

Me: *sigh* I hope this baby has better toenails.

Lee: I hope this baby is white.

Me: Why? So you can prove that I mothered this baby too?

Lee: Exactly.

You can try and justify the randomness of our conversations on lack of sleep or anxiety due to impending baby arrivals, but that’s just how things are around here.

Once you start making sense and talking seriously, you know that you’ve got problems.

On discussing why I’d want to get rid of our second barbecue.

Me: We have the prince of barbecues, why do we need the pauper?

Lee: What’s a pauper?

Me: A pauper? A poor person.

Lee: Ooh, a POOR-per.

Me: Uhh, not a porpoise, a pauper.

Lee: Yeah, but you’re saying POP-per

Me: And you’re saying POOR-per

Lee: Yeah, as in POOR-person.

Today I witnessed one of the sweetest things that my eyes have ever seen in my life.

Lee went out to mow the lawn and I being the responsible parent that I am .. fell asleep on the sofa once I’d convinced Noah that the lawn mower wasn’t going to randomly attack him.

I woke up at one point when Lee had the Weed Whacker out (though they call it a strimmer here) and Noah decided to run into the house and come sit in the relative safety of the living room where we could spy on what was going on outside but being far enough away avoid any horror movie re-enactments.

Once again I told him it was okay and he slowly made his way to the door and then out to the deck where he yelled at Lee to get his attention. I drifted asleep for a couple of minutes and woke up to see Noah sat on Lee’s lap with his arms wrapped around his daddy’s neck and his head on the shoulder.

I watched this for a long time and struggled to get off of the sofa without being noticed. I just HAD to capture this moment on camera. Slowly, I got the camera out, made it across the floor to the door and zoomed in without being noticed. Unfortunately, the loving cuddles had just ended and Noah appeared to want to tell Lee something. That, I captured:

Daddy, I have something to tell you..

And I also captured what he wanted to share with his daddy:

How do you like THEM apples?

That’s my son. All about sharing the love. How proud am I to have raised such a loving … flashing… soul?

…will not be presented to me. At least not by the upstanding members of my neighbourhood who got to see a whole new side to Noah today.

I was in the kitchen making dinner and had left Noah sitting on the sofa watching CBeebies (like Treehouse for the North Americans). He was tired, so he was chilling out against a pillow and had his soother in. Occasionally he would strain and peek out of the window and then look back at the tv.

Now he wasn’t making much noise at all, but when things went spookily silent I decided that I should investigate what he was up to.

When I arrived in the living room I saw that a bag had been knocked over and a pillow was pinning the curtain to the sofa. From this photo you can see where he actually is, but in person you couldn’t. It looked like he was sitting on the cushion looking out of the window.

So I snuck around the corner to get a shot and suffice it to say, I was the one who was left in shock as I saw my half dressed 14.5 month old dancing in the front window for everyone to see.

Just how many people passed by that window and wondered to themselves .oO(where is that child’s mother?) Obviously Noah just took the saying “dance like no one is watching” literally.

And to think people worried when we made the Bucket Babysitter™.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day in North America and being Canadian, I have managed to make a sem convincing argument that I deserve to celebrate both days.

Being as though I was in Canada for the UK version of Mother’s Day this year, there was no going out to lunch or dinner like we did last year … when Noah was 80 odd hours old and I was a zombie having a 24 hour a day Out of Body Experience.

But yesterday my boys treated me to Linner/Dunch at Brasserie Blanc. It was worth the 2 month wait! We had mussels (Noah and I) and goat’s cheese and apple salad (Noah and Lee), smoked fishcakes on a bed of spinach and green beans (Noan and I) and Pork with mash and greens (Noah and Lee) and it was all quite nice.

Even when the waitress dumped my soda water on Lee.

We’ve had a few stressful weekends/weeks/months around this house and it was very nice to sit back and enjoy some lovely food with my super wonderful husband and our most amazing little dude … right after our marathon grocery shop across the road.

With very few opportunities left to enjoy our life as a threesome I felt very lucky to have had the chance to spend that hour and a bit with them not preparing for the arrival of Cheese, cleaning, doing laundry or generally dealing with anything other than the moment we were in.

Thank you, Lee and Noah, for a wonderful Mother’s Day Part Deux.

I hope that all of the other Mothers celebrating yesterday were able to have some time to themselves or with their families to relax and enjoy yourselves

The fear in a child’s eyes when they are lost is heartbreaking to see. The panic on the face of a parent who cannot find their child is one which can be felt by a stranger walking by.

I’ve always heard that you will lose your child, whether for 1 minute or more and that it will be the scariest thing that I can go through.

Well, today I lost Noah. It wasn’t even for a minute, but the panic set in. Where did he go?! He was just there!! My heart was in my throat.

Only we weren’t in public.

In fact, we were in our house. In the bathroom. Specifically, in the shower.

That’s right, I lost my son in the shower. One minute he was standing there brushing his teeth and singing and then all of a sudden there was quiet and I couldn’t see him. I looked down and ..no Noah. I looked behind me (the best that I could) and .. no Noah. Then all of a sudden he pops out of nowhere, singing and brushing his teeth like nothing had happened.

Popped out of where you might ask? He was hidden under my bump. It turned from one of the most frightening moments of my life into one of the most depressing.

Two Thumbs Up for another great month!

20.4.09: On the ball

Just thinking about this month makes me want to scoop you out of bed, hug you so tight and do whatever I can to make you stop growing up. You are amazing as you are right now. Perhaps a little more progress with your verbal communication would be welcome, rather than the constant hand flapping that we are getting. Mind you, if you ever decide to become a professional horse racing bookie, you’ve got Tic Tac covered!

You are at the stage where you can let us know what you want and if needs must, you will come over to one of us and drag us to something to show us what you want. It is very handy for you and can be quite tiring for us. Especially for your Daddy as he seems to give in to this game of Do What I Say/Want easily, where I am a little harder to persuade as it takes me a lot longer to get up from wherever I am due to this ever increasing size of my belly.

8.4.09: Family Al Fresco

I am convinced that your advancements this month have been due to the extended periods we have spent outside, along with your increasing desire to grow up, graduate school and move out so you can eat all of your Easter eggs in their foil wrapping before coming out of your room … or so that you can have a bathroom all to yourself where people won’t take pictures of your constant love to preen yourself.

Pretty, I'm so pretty...

Speaking of prettying up yourself… you have developed this new, not so pretty, smile that you think is absolutely hilarious and which is nearly impossible to catch on camera because you close your eyes so tightly and smile at a random object (see photo above). This smile goes along with the dozens of new faces you pull, most consisting of pushing your tongue against your four bottom teeth as hard as you can without it popping out of your mouth. Your facial expressions never fail to amuse us, even when we’re trying to be serious with you. And your Clever Level has been reaching near Maximum Capacity! There are moments when we are being serious and you don’t want to hear it and we can actually see you go from starting to have a tantrum to realising the easier way to end this talking to would be to give out cuddles and kisses.

24.4.09: Cuddles for Mommy

So smart. So very very smart. That must be your Daddy’s genes kicking in. So far you appear to be getting his brain and his bathroom habits. Though I am not sure that the latter isn’t because you’ve become his shadow when he’s at home and so you’re just learning what the “men” of the family do. I guess that it is something I will have to look over and accept because seeing the two of you together is too sweet. Hearing the two of you laughing it up in the shower or watching you every morning as you realise that he is getting dressed to leave and demanding that he pick you up right then and there for cuddles is starting to erase all of the months of wondering whether I’d ever start to enjoy motherhood. Seeing how you look at him and look at me too makes me realise that perhaps I am not totally crap at this and that there have to be parts that I am doing right. Then again, you don’t really know better right now, which is another reason to keep you just as you are!

Daddy and Son Looking Over the Photos

This month has seen the milestone of your moving into your own bed. Not a crib or even a toddler bed, but your own double bed. It has only been a few nights plus your daily naps, but you are doing amazingly. We are so proud of you. Your independence has shone through this month. It is as though you not only learned to physically open doors for yourself (which has shocked and scared us!), but you are doing it metaphorically too. You’ve realised that you can do things without one of us being right by your side and you can still have fun.

A lot of this has been due to the weather getting a bit nicer and being able to be outside more. You definitely love it out there. Some mornings you have gone out on the deck after breakfast and stayed there until you could no longer hold out on a nap any longer. You don’t even need toys out there because you seem to find ways to entertain yourself without .. even if sometimes this means trying to catch bees with your bare hands.

21.4.09: Rider in the Sun

The only downside to this month that I can come up with, is that it is over. That means the time I get to spend alone with you is winding down and I’m starting to worry that I am going to miss all of these magical moments that I catch now because I am going to be back in a panic wondering what it is your baby brother or sister is telling me that they need. And I fear that you are going to think that we love you less because you will be sharing us. We do not want you to ever think that. We are amazed every day that our love for you continues to grow, that we find you even cuter than you were yesterday and funnier than anyone we’ve ever known.

26.4.09 - Peek a Boo ..Floor style

So, although month 15 is going to seem hectic as we try and get ready for the new arrival and we may even have a new family member before the month is up, I am going to do whatever it is that I can to make sure that we have another great month! Thank you for being so patient with me this far, it has taken me a while to get into the groove of this Mommy thing and I couldn’t have asked for a better baby boy to take this journey with. So bring on the sunshine and cuddles and faces …and okay, you can even stick your tongue out at me every once in a while.

27.4.09: Searching for Sunshine

Happy Fourteen Months, GrumpyPumps!!!
Mommy Loves You!!