Rankish Teapants

I tell you I’m here again …. Where have you been?

So just the other night I wrote that I would be getting back on my hobby-horse and updating this thing.  It shouldn’t be that hard really should it?  I mean if you talk to me, then you know I have no problem running my mouth for hours and hours.  And then I still have breath left over for some more.   I guess it is just that as things start to seem better in the day to day running of my life, my body and brain are just too exhausted.  The happy on the outside thing takes a lot of work.  Even the moments where I am genuinely happy!  But I am getting better, not that it hurts any less or that I miss my father even the tiniest amount less than I did the day I found out.  In fact, I miss him more every day. But this is a battle within myself that I have to win because I’ve got other people around who need me to stay, at least relatively, sane.

Anyway, pack that away before I start to cry!

I have started to upload more photos to the photo sites, just like I promised *coughcough*last year*coughcough*.  This process is not a quick one, so I shall offer you samples of what have been added, what are awaiting approval and what is next!

Firstly, Steph’s stagette! I did it Steph! It only took me 6 and 1/2 months!  My excuse is that I didn’t want to remind you of your single life so soon after you gave it up. =)

Then I’ve skipped right over Christmas (hey, I didn’t say there was any logic to the order here!) and Dublin is going up. Expect there to be the usual photos of Lee and I: eating, drinking, sitting in airports and generally being idiots!  Doesn’t matter whether we are at home or in a foreign land, we are who we are and that’s quite alright by us!

P.S: Warning Cath, I am about to show a food photo that will be even uglier to you than the “pasta with the gross sauce”.

To start our day the right way we headed down Grafton Street in search for a proper Irish Breakfast!  We found a perfect little pub called Davey Byrnes which served us up a tasty and filling breakfast – hold the white pudding (as I was too scared of that… later finding out it is not as nasty as black pudding which I love).

Ooh look at this!  I’ve just found this on “The Google”: Just off Grafton Street, Davy Byrnes is one of Dublin’s most famous pubs – references in Joyce’s Ulysses mean it is very much on the tourist circuit. Despite all this fame it remains a genuine, well-run place and equally popular with Dubliners, who find it a handy meeting place.  How weird, we had no clue!  Usually before we go somewhere I do a lot of research on where to eat, what to see, etc.  This time I had tunnel vision and all I wanted was a Pint of Plain.  Or two.  Or three.

And well, not that I doubted this victory for a moment, I got what I wanted.  Aaaahhhh, Guinness straight from the source.

Please feel free to comment on the frizz upon my head.  It only got worse as the weekend went by.  Limited hair products thanks to the Clear Plastic Baggie in Your Carry On  rule plus Dublin’s cold rain left me looking worse for wear over the entire weekend.  I’m please to report that I look MUCH hotter right now as I sit here typing thing in my pyjamas with a mini afro.  Take my word for it, a photo would be far too much stimulation for you!

Lee however, he looked hot.  I am talking PHWOAR hot too, not sauna hot.  He even did his hair all special for this trip and I think it suited him well!

And the obligatory – Shot in the Departures Lounge.  Because I know when I die I will become famous for having the most photos taken beyond airport security.  It’s something I aspire to and I am sure will make our future children honoured to have us as parents.

So here is Lee, ready to get back to England and back to work!

As with most things in my life, I have done this out of order.  Sure the Stagette came before the trip to Dublin, but the trip to Toronto did too!  They are the next photos to go up and as they are all about family, they will appear on the family page rather than the “Away” page.   That tidbit of information was for those of you on the edge of your seat wanting to know all about the method being my photo archiving madness.  If you post me the equivalent of £9.99 each, you will get full access to jumbled mess that is my brain and the randomness it often spews out through my mouth.

So, yes, we went to Toronto and it was great.  And I’ve just realised that I’ve said all of this in the last post.  But it was and we did have a really good but exhausting time.  Lee saw his first NHL game, and for me it was a great one! The Canucks kicked butt and didn’t even bother taking names.  The Leafs were messy, they had no fight in them and they definitely had no desire to shoot the puck.  But I digress as I have no photos to show of this, seeing as I was too busy drinking.

I do however have photos of my family, and Superman.  That’s right – Superman.  Bet you didn’t know that I know him! However to see his photos you will have to wait for them to appear online as it looks like I made different ones in the size required to fit on this page without spilling over the edge.

First we have the people who appear to be normal…. but are they really?

Well looks like ONE was… and shockingly it was my Mom.  Luke was easily swept over to the dark side by Cath and Lee though.

I love this photo.  It is like a wholesome family advertisement for … Jelly Tots.

To tie it up – all this and more will be coming your way.. and soon!

2006 is finally over and I must say that I am not too sad to see it gone. As horrible as it was to us (minus the whole getting married bit), we gave it a proper send off complete with a special performance from The King himself.

While I de-hangover myself, enjoy a snipet of Elvis singing to Princess Leia. More photos will follow…and words too!!!

… 2006 was Good and it was SHIT.

It was one of the best years of my life and then it turned in to the worst year of my life. Along the way I stopped updating and some events that deserved celebrating were left on the shelf, waiting for me to return to. It is nearly the end of the year and I haven’t quite gotten to them yet. As a bit of reminder to myself and to those that are perhaps waiting for the posts that discuss these events, I shall post a few photos, and when I return from Toronto in January (actually probably when we return from Dublin the week after the Toronto trip) I will get on with getting on. At least where this thing is concerned. Put your cursor over the photo for a little description.

In June I failed to write about Steph’s Shower. I also never posted about her stagette and once I get the photo’s from Lee’s computer I will be able to post a sample of that (if she even wants to be reminded of it!).

On Canada Day, 1 July 2006, my teeny weeny baby brother went and did something that should make me realise he is all growed up, but I refuse: He went and got married! Here is a shot of Scott and Heather at the reception:

Found Steph’s Stagette photos! -> Also in JULY!

August was the month that started off as AMAZING and ended completely numb. There was the trip to Vegas, other good stuff, my Mom’s 50th, losing my Dad and Randy’s Birthday.

September saw Jamie turn 32, October was Halloween and somewhere in there, Luke started catching up to his big brother and stopped being the little baby I saw in August!

November was the month that Steve and Rosie entered married life with a BANG, or fifty … being married on Guy Fawkes and all.

And well, it is December now and I have been trying to keep up.. sort of.. to date. There have been some days where the last thing on my mind is being connected to reality, never mind the online world and there are days when I think I might just be doing well. It’s been a case of one step forward, two steps back with me and I am hoping (as I am sure Lee is) that 2007 will bring me the strength and understanding I need to get through. Oh and it would be nice if the New Year also brought me some anti-jump down your throatedness. See, I don’t always think of myself. I think of Lee too.

When we planned to get married in St.Kitts we did it know full well that there would be a lot of people who wouldn’t be able to make it. Unfortunately for Lee, most of the people that didn’t come were his friends. To try and make up for this fact and to give these people a chance to celebrate with us, we threw a Post Wedding Weekend. We rented what used to be the General Stores in Mitcheldean, Gloucestershire. A very old property that had been converted into a … well… that depends on what you read into things. At first glance it would appear to be a posh cottage, but on closer inspection you may find it to be a swingers weekend house.

What made us think that? Wipe clean pillow in every room, the pantyhose doll in our room that came complete with breasts and pearled “lady garden”. The spikey pillow, the gimp cupboard, the Absolut Fetish placemats, the vinyl material EVERYWHERE, even in the Barn which is supposed to be a children’s playroom.

Oh well, it was amusing.

So… it was supposed to be a big celebration of our marriage.

What is ended up being was Lee’s belated Stag Do…..

….a very gay one at that.

Very.

Gay.

I would like to give into evidence Exhibit A: Lee and Ben get Cuddly
Sure they were once boss and subordinate, but something leads me to believe the master and servant relationship never truly ended when they left their positions at Easynet. Easy something.

Next, Exhibit B: Lee says Hello to Gaz.
In a way that would make even the most openminded of people wonder. Luckily Gaz’s face is blurred as I do not believe he is as Brokeback as the man attacking him from behind. Yes, that man is a newlywed. Where he took a wife. Or a faghag as you may want to call me.

Exhibit C: Innocent men in a hottub. Or is it…..

Exhibit D: I didn’t bloody well think so. Try and tell me you are not gay now, Buddy. It is right there in black and white and red and underpants and flesh and tooooo much flesh…..

Eventually all of the excitement wore him out. To the point where he couldn’t feel anything happening to him. There were moments I was tempted to stick his pinky finger in some water and let us all watch him wee himself, however being newly married to the guy I decided to let his brother and friends decorate him with tortilla chips and hummous and Scrabble pieces spelling “twat”. Hey…it is what it is. (unfortuantely for some reason photobucket does not like the twat picture. sheesh)

And in the morning I decided to get the hell out of there… or at least to go buy some Frosted Flakes and milk.

When Lee leaves me for someone of the opposite gender (opposite of mine!!), let me be the first to say.. I Told Me So!

Could have been three or four six-packs,
I don’t know, but look at the mess I’m in.

Friday night.. (no rest for the wicked).. those who couldn’t make it on Thursday and some of those who could, all assembled at the Bier Markt on the Esplanade in downtown T.O.

Yes, that is the spelling, I am not “ecstatic”.

Anyway, I had advised everyone that I wanted it low key. I didn’t want to do the embarrasing t-shirt signing or getting absolutely stinking polluted that seems to happen with most stagette/hen do nights out.

Everyone seemed to be going along with the idea. Well for the most part. There was the whole necklace of PENISES and the dreaded shirt. Where in the hell are you going to find someone named Nelson?! But I was determined to retain my dignity.

I mean… how hard was it going to be to do that?

Okay a slight slip up….. but I was soon back on track and enjoying the company (and ever more presents.. crotchless panties and ligerie ahoy! Oooh and the book of orgasms that went down a treat with everyone -> Will especially)

Damnit. Alright, perhaps this dignity thing was a little harder to pull off than I imagined. But what is a girl to do? The beer was flowing, the shots kept coming and I couldn’t well refuse could I?

The most important thing was that people we happy. I think that at no point was there not someone without a ridiculously huge smile on their faces, as evident in the Defence Exhibits 1 and 2:

Please witness the true undeniable joy across the face of Josh. Perhaps Anne looks stunned, but she has to live with that mug.

Now bring your attention to the Girls from the Guild. Rhiann, Steph (the lovely maid of honour), Moi (the lovely guest of honour) and Krista.. otherwise known as Johhhhnnnnnnnnnay!

I don’t know about you, but those look like some happy people to me.

Some of the attendees leeft early, and others left drunk. Then there were the remaining three of us: Pennie, Reems and myself….

… who carried on next door, met a young man about to set off to Australia and enjoyed some fine wings, nachos and potato skins before rolling home at 3:45am.

What a good night.

Thanks for the memories girlies… and Will and Josh.

…but the fire is so delightful…
…since we’ve no place to go…
Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!

Okay. Two things not so true about those lyrics.
A: There was no fire
B: We did have some place to go.

My loving mother and my super duper maid of honour decided they would be ever so kind and throw a Bridal Shower for me. They put their heads together and realised that since it was so close to Christmas, a Thursday might see more people turn out as they tried to avoid work Christmas parties.

Steph went to work desiging the super cute invites and my mother booked the party room and prepared for games to be played and presents to be dished out.

That was when they were smooth sailing. The only time they were.

Invites got returned, invites got held up in the mail, people starting RSVPing that Thursday was Christmas Party day for them. Some even had exams.

At the last minute (well week and a bit before) the location was changed as the numbers dwindled. It was decided that we would all meet up at Katsura (a Japanese restaurant at the Westin Prince Hotel in Toronto) and have one of those screened off rooms to ourselves.

As the day neared, weather reports claimed that there would be BUCKETS of snow thrown down on the city. We hoped against hope that this would not be. As I said.. we hoped against hope:

We expected everyone to cancel, but only my brother’s fiancee couldn’t make it, as she had a job interview the next day and needed to be sure she could make it back on time.

So the 8 of us that could make it out on the blizzardy Thursday night, assembled at the restaurant. Conversation flowed and laughter ensued. That is until we went to order. The first person attempted to order the terriyaki filet mignon, only to be told “sorry no steak tonight grill no work”. Chicken it is! was the reply to follow, only to be told “sorry no chicken either. no chicken or steak”.

Umm what? We’re in a pricey ass place and they are going to tell us an hour after we sat down that there couldn’t be any steak or chicken!? Nothing that required a grill. After words with the waitress and then the manager, our food was ordered and games got under way. They were slightly gay (as shower games are) but quite funny games. We learned a lot about Lee, and even I didn’t get all of the answers right. Who knew he aspired to be: Captain Flatulence?

Cake was eaten:

Pressies were opened and passed around (and I got SO many and LOVED them LOVED them LOVED them!!! Thank you!!!!):

And we all headed back out to our cars to face the dreaded snowy ride home.

Everything Zen….

I don’t think so.

Sooo much has been going on lately. Ups and Downs and All Arounds really. I’ve been to Toronto and back to England. Had the final measurements taken for my dress and then proceeded to gain seven pounds. Right now I am back to fruits for breakfast, spinach for lunch and panic for dinner.

I have three weeks. I can take it all off again, it is no problem.

At least that is what I keep telling myself.

Over the past few weeks I have had a Bridal Shower, a Stagette and Christmas.. .twice. Well three times if you count the turkey dinner we made last night which I must say was AMAZING. Not that I am biased. But seriously, if Lee hadn’t proposed to me, I would have just married myself. I love so many things about me, especially my cooking and how unbelievabley funny I find myself.

So yes… a bit delayed, but I shall update each event and post some photos of these occassions. Just to let you have a peek into my Wild and Crazy world!

… I Look Like Kiss But Without The Makeup.

This morning came far too early for me. I may have just gotten out of bed at nearly 2p.m, but I have been up off an on since around 9:15a.m. Some people may think that even that hour is pretty late. What they do not realise is the night had before it which resulted in me truly deserving to stay in bed all day. Alllllllll day.

There are photos. Photos that one day shall come to light. Photos that luckily did not capture all events of the night, but enough to give people an slight clue as to what happens when a former alcohol and party fiend such as myself is let loose on the town.

The town: London.

The location: Various, though mainly The Maple Leaf Pub, The Tube and Newington Causeway near Ministry of Sound.

The people: Various. Ones we meant to meet and ones we didn’t. Namely: Darcie, Liz, Sharon, Loralee, Chris and Scott (henceforth known as Paul and Pablo or Bailey and Pablo), Lee and Myself.

The poison: In a Canadian pub, Canadian drinks are consumed. We started off with pints of Molson Dry and bottles of Molson Canadian. Then the table became Sleemans Central. Bottle upon bottle upon bottle of the honey brown goodness.

The grub: The World’s Worst Poutine. Wings. Lays Ketchup chips, Hickory Sticks and Bicks pickles. That’s right… non sweet proper pickles!

I want to go into further detail, but I am too tired too. I am too busy giggling at the pictures in my mind to attempt transcribing them in a way that would do them justice. Just how do you describe two people just meeting for the first time and exchanging their tops in the loo of a pub… never mind the sight of them switching back in a bus shelter a few hours later…. AS A BUS PULLS UP.

How does one describe the World’s Worst Burger King experience. Unless you yourself have held one of their completely frozen, never having touched hot oil fries, you would not understand. Plus you’d probably not want to have the full picture of what a 14 hour old burger tastes like: hard bun, melted yet solid cheese, cold meat and near frozen tomatoes. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm can’t think of anything tastier. I think I’d rather have had a frozen raw kebab.

But there were plenty laughs had. Plenty people met. And friends reunited. It was a great night out that may have started with train delays and ended with a two hour bus trip back to the MK, but it was worth it. So very worth it. Even worth having to shove my drunk fingers down my throat to release the mound of stale burger that was just resting atop of my tummy, making my life miserable. Yes, it was even worth that.

And the walls of doubt crumble tossed and torn,
This comes to pass when a child is born.

Congratulations, Mr. Jimmy (officially James) and Mrs. Michelle Gulp (officially Swallow) on having a very productive honeymoon!

I am happy for you both and wish you a healthy happy journey on your way to Parenthood!

run on, ducking and dodging…

So I’ve already started getting slack on updating this baby. Well I’m back. There is no rest for the wicked! Yes, I mean you!!

Ever asked yourself what happens when you mix a balcony of late 20 -> 30somethings with alcohol and balloons?

To be honest, neither have I. And now that I think about it, the balloons weren’t even necessary. Though apparently they provided a few people some fun.

Picture it:
Saturday Night. Stratford-upon-Avon. Lifelong (or mostly) friends gather to celebrate the engagement of their mates.

No no no. Not my engagement. No one celebrated that but me, Lee and the Super Sommelier at Fifteen.

I digress…

So hour after hour, round after round, champers after champers, finds these friends in quite a jubilant mood. As you looked around the room you saw nothing but smiles as you heard people talking about jobs, marriages, wedding plans, pregnancies; all of the things that would normally scare or bore the shit out of people. Seriously, you’ve never seen a lot look happier when talking about the people standing 2 feet away. Thank goodness for the extremely loud, quite deafening dj. It seems that was all he was good for.

But fast forward through the actual event bit. The most fun was had as soon as we walked through the doors into the crisp clean Shakespeare Country air. Visions of chips, burgers, kebabs and curries floated by, creating a hunger unparalled. The group of six seriously sozzled Stratfordians and my sober self set off on a mission. the usual 2 minute walk to the chippy, the 5 minutes to stand around and eat it and then the 15 minutes to dawdle home turned into nearly two hours. In that time, people randomly disappeared for pee breaks, I was taught what a Cockney copper on helium sounds like, bear hugs were exchanged, burnt out restaurants were investigated… but best of all… oh yes BEST of all had to be…

… my own Forrest Gump of a fiance.

Here’s the story:

Lee decides he needs to pee. Fair enough. He goes down some extremely dark alley and Sally and I decide we should hide. We tell the other two (yes, I can do maths.. the OTHER two had left us by this point) to hide as well. So there were stood on one of the main streets in Stratford, up against the display windows of Debenhams. From our oh so clever spots we could actually see our reflections in the shop windows across the street. Figuring we’d be rumbled, we decided to do it anyway… we’d still have fun.

Well… if Lee doesn’t first run past me… then fly by Sally… we tried to hold in our laughter as next he ran by Ricc and Matt. The four of us all looking at each other in disbelief as Lee took off down the road. We thought perhaps he was playing a trick on us, but we saw him check both ways for traffic, and then continue running and running down the road. My inability to stop laughing led him to realise that no…we were not the fastest walkers in town, but infact he had run past us over a block earlier.

It may not sound funny to you, but it was. I shan’t try and convince you because I don’t care. I laughed. And I even laughed again writing this.

Ahhhh Lee… what would I do without you!?