Rankish Teapants

Could have been three or four six-packs,
I don’t know, but look at the mess I’m in.

Friday night.. (no rest for the wicked).. those who couldn’t make it on Thursday and some of those who could, all assembled at the Bier Markt on the Esplanade in downtown T.O.

Yes, that is the spelling, I am not “ecstatic”.

Anyway, I had advised everyone that I wanted it low key. I didn’t want to do the embarrasing t-shirt signing or getting absolutely stinking polluted that seems to happen with most stagette/hen do nights out.

Everyone seemed to be going along with the idea. Well for the most part. There was the whole necklace of PENISES and the dreaded shirt. Where in the hell are you going to find someone named Nelson?! But I was determined to retain my dignity.

I mean… how hard was it going to be to do that?

Okay a slight slip up….. but I was soon back on track and enjoying the company (and ever more presents.. crotchless panties and ligerie ahoy! Oooh and the book of orgasms that went down a treat with everyone -> Will especially)

Damnit. Alright, perhaps this dignity thing was a little harder to pull off than I imagined. But what is a girl to do? The beer was flowing, the shots kept coming and I couldn’t well refuse could I?

The most important thing was that people we happy. I think that at no point was there not someone without a ridiculously huge smile on their faces, as evident in the Defence Exhibits 1 and 2:

Please witness the true undeniable joy across the face of Josh. Perhaps Anne looks stunned, but she has to live with that mug.

Now bring your attention to the Girls from the Guild. Rhiann, Steph (the lovely maid of honour), Moi (the lovely guest of honour) and Krista.. otherwise known as Johhhhnnnnnnnnnay!

I don’t know about you, but those look like some happy people to me.

Some of the attendees leeft early, and others left drunk. Then there were the remaining three of us: Pennie, Reems and myself….

… who carried on next door, met a young man about to set off to Australia and enjoyed some fine wings, nachos and potato skins before rolling home at 3:45am.

What a good night.

Thanks for the memories girlies… and Will and Josh.

…but the fire is so delightful…
…since we’ve no place to go…
Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!

Okay. Two things not so true about those lyrics.
A: There was no fire
B: We did have some place to go.

My loving mother and my super duper maid of honour decided they would be ever so kind and throw a Bridal Shower for me. They put their heads together and realised that since it was so close to Christmas, a Thursday might see more people turn out as they tried to avoid work Christmas parties.

Steph went to work desiging the super cute invites and my mother booked the party room and prepared for games to be played and presents to be dished out.

That was when they were smooth sailing. The only time they were.

Invites got returned, invites got held up in the mail, people starting RSVPing that Thursday was Christmas Party day for them. Some even had exams.

At the last minute (well week and a bit before) the location was changed as the numbers dwindled. It was decided that we would all meet up at Katsura (a Japanese restaurant at the Westin Prince Hotel in Toronto) and have one of those screened off rooms to ourselves.

As the day neared, weather reports claimed that there would be BUCKETS of snow thrown down on the city. We hoped against hope that this would not be. As I said.. we hoped against hope:

We expected everyone to cancel, but only my brother’s fiancee couldn’t make it, as she had a job interview the next day and needed to be sure she could make it back on time.

So the 8 of us that could make it out on the blizzardy Thursday night, assembled at the restaurant. Conversation flowed and laughter ensued. That is until we went to order. The first person attempted to order the terriyaki filet mignon, only to be told “sorry no steak tonight grill no work”. Chicken it is! was the reply to follow, only to be told “sorry no chicken either. no chicken or steak”.

Umm what? We’re in a pricey ass place and they are going to tell us an hour after we sat down that there couldn’t be any steak or chicken!? Nothing that required a grill. After words with the waitress and then the manager, our food was ordered and games got under way. They were slightly gay (as shower games are) but quite funny games. We learned a lot about Lee, and even I didn’t get all of the answers right. Who knew he aspired to be: Captain Flatulence?

Cake was eaten:

Pressies were opened and passed around (and I got SO many and LOVED them LOVED them LOVED them!!! Thank you!!!!):

And we all headed back out to our cars to face the dreaded snowy ride home.

Everything Zen….

I don’t think so.

Sooo much has been going on lately. Ups and Downs and All Arounds really. I’ve been to Toronto and back to England. Had the final measurements taken for my dress and then proceeded to gain seven pounds. Right now I am back to fruits for breakfast, spinach for lunch and panic for dinner.

I have three weeks. I can take it all off again, it is no problem.

At least that is what I keep telling myself.

Over the past few weeks I have had a Bridal Shower, a Stagette and Christmas.. .twice. Well three times if you count the turkey dinner we made last night which I must say was AMAZING. Not that I am biased. But seriously, if Lee hadn’t proposed to me, I would have just married myself. I love so many things about me, especially my cooking and how unbelievabley funny I find myself.

So yes… a bit delayed, but I shall update each event and post some photos of these occassions. Just to let you have a peek into my Wild and Crazy world!

…Something Something Something Branches….

Once upon a time there lived this very very very nice girl who didn’t ask for much. Okay okay.. she asked for LOADS. But for the purpose of this story, she didn’t ask for much.

Back to the story…

Every Christmas she hoped and wished for a REAL Christmas tree. Not a Looks-Like-Real-But-Smells-Of-Plastic deal. An honest to goodness cut down in its prime and left a squirrel’s family homeless kind of tree.

That and a stocking.

You see, her wicked wicked mother decided she was too old to get stockings and one year when she awoke on a crisp Christmas morning, there was nothing sitting next to her bed. It wasn’t against the door, or hanging on the knob, or even downstairs near the tree.

And the tree was plastic.

So she packed up her things and swam her way across the pond to England. When she got here all cold and wet, she was met by a magical boy named Sir Lee of Brotherston. He promised to give her what she wanted, but made sure she realised it wouldn’t all come at once.

She asked for a Christmas tree, and she got one. A multicoloured fibre optic twinkling plastic tree made for midgets. Or a desk. I prefer to think it was for midgets.

She asked for lights and she got those. Quite a display of a blinking twinkling net of lights hung over the kitchen counter by some extremely festive string.

It worked. Though she kept it in the back of her mind that it was only for that year. That she would get a real tree when they had a bigger place to live. And that she got.

…………… My Wonderful Tree!!!!!!!!!…………………………….

Not only that, but she got an amazing amount of lights. Not just the net, but a string of lights that have wrapped bootom to top up the tree and back down.. and then around the french doors to the backyard. No more ghetto Christmas for this deserving young girl, but a real pine smelling, needle shedding tree with hundreds of white lights letting her know that she is finally HOME.

………………MY CRAZY LIGHTS!!!!!…………………………………

…Yes here I stand
But I guess I’m just sleeptalking for myself

There are days when I am just so lazy, that I check my blog to see if it has updated itself for me. There are so many things I want to say, but cannot be arsed to type. So many things to complain about, celebrate about and just get out there. Unfortunately, I am either too tired or forgetful or preoccupied, but usually just too fucking lazy.

Watch this space as there will be updates. Pictures. Stuff. Good stuff. Stuff that tickles. Stuff that hurts. All that sort of stuff.

But for now, I shall continue to sleepwalk through life hoping that I don’t wake up and realise that I am sitting at the kitchen table naked with a bunch of Lee’s coworkers whilst trying to construct a mayo, sour cream, rubber cheese and lettuce sandwich.

As much as I’d enjoy the sandwich, I don’t think they’d enjoy the sight.