Rankish Teapants

He is SO freaking handsome. Grr. Check that hot hunk of man out.

Warning Ladies: You can look, but you can’t touch!

Actually, with his teeth in he’s not half bad.

Somehow I never imagined that I’d ever be truly barefoot, pregnant and baking. That is for other…more girly… type women. Me, well I guess I lack the girly. However, it would appear that come the end of the year, I get an itch to cook. Well bake really. It happened last year and it overcame me to the point that all I wanted for Christmas was cooking utensils, food magazines and cooking supplies!

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting it this year. Mainly because this baby has turned me off of food more than it has turned me on to food … not that you can tell by OUR profile:

Yes, I know… frightening! It is weird wearing these over the belly jeans. Because of the “waist” being so low, when I see photos of a belly sticking out over them, I get scared. Scared that I am turning in John Goodman. Without the alcohol issues. I’ve already instructed Lee to get me on Weight Watchers as soon as I pop. Well, after a massive sushi dinner. THEN get me hooked up to WW ASAP!

I digress. Back the the calorie laden kitchen experience.

I’ve been a fan of food blogs for a while now. Though I hadn’t been reading them since BoB has decided to turn me off of so many things. I just never knew when I would accidentally throw up onto the keyboard.

But this weekend I started reading again. Skipping past the poultry, lamb, Moroccan etc. dishes and went on a hunt for the less offensive… baking! Something I’ve never been good at, but really want to be.

Yesterday I gave up after hours of reading about cupcakes and rolls and tarts and cakes and brownies. I actually made myself sick thinking about all of the ingredients. Today was a different day. I was getting in a bit of a down mood, and I felt like I had to occupy my mind… in the kitchen. Lee said that he was going to go to ASDA, and although I like to pretend I’m too posh to go there, I threw on a hoody and some flip flops and scoured the food blogs for something “easy” to try out and the next thing I knew we were home with baking ingredients, a bag of spinach, some bagels and Hallowe’en balloons.

Remember, we are the people that bought a toilet seat at The Baby Show.

So I got all of the ingredients out and made an Baking Crap Area of the kitchen counter:

Grabbed myself and my glasses:

And of course BoB too:

And started separating eggs, making crusts, whipping eggs whites into a meringue and doing a bunch of stuff I didn’t realise I was able to do. Popped it all in the oven and 23 minutes later (okay I should have left it in the extra 2 minutes but I panicked with the Celsius/Fahrenheit conversion) voila:

That’s right, a hot tin of brown stuff. That’s actually the meringue top – with brown sugar and vanilla, not burnt.

Lee had a nap while this all went on and then waited patiently on the sofa watching crap television with me until it all cooled down…

And then Mmm Mmm Calorific Mmmm…. we dug in..

Next, I will be trying Guinness Brownies.

I have no idea why.. it just seemed like a good idea at the time.

This morning I went for a blood test. Apparently the doctor I saw two weeks ago believes that any depression I may have could be caused by renal problems, my thyroid or high blood pressure.

Let me state for the record that I hate needles. Sometimes I cry when I have to get one, sometimes I feel like I am going to faint, and no matter how gentle the administrator promises to be .. they never are (except my Dad gave rather painless needles).

I get into the doctor’s office and I am sat across from one of the nurse’s rooms. She looked a bit miserable and mean and I hoped not to get her. When they called my name to Room 1, I nearly skipped with delight down the hallway. I met a nice middle aged lady who was all smiles and sunshine. She took a look at my arms and decided to go for the right one stating that she’d found a nice vein. I explained that I was not really a fan of needles and she said she’d be gentle.

And she was.

But.. apparently found a bloodless vein. I sat there for what felt like 20 minutes, but more like 1, wondering if she meant I was a slow leaker or if nothing at all was coming. I finally peeked through my fingers to see an empty vial. Realising that this meant ANOTHER needle, I started to pumped my fist like mad to try and get something flowing. No luck.

She hrmed and haahed and eventually called in the miserable and mean nurse who came in to check out my arms and decided to have a go at the left one. TADA! Success …and don’t tell anyone I said this – pretty painless. And now I look a bit like Pete Doherty on a good night with matching needle marks on my arms.

But my day didn’t end there. Oh no. After being talked into trying a cheeseburger from M&S (who knew they even made them?!) and waiting ages for it (That time it really did take about 20 minutes), I returned to work with the other sucker who got one and proceeded to give it a try. The burger was crap. But that’s not the bad bit. Having been raised by my father (my mother was there too, but not half the mess-a-phobe that my Dad was), before the first bite I wrapped the bottom to make sure that my hands remained clear of any spillage.

Apparently the paper didn’t get the memo that it was supposed to be a protective wrapping. Halfway through, someone commented about me being a messy eater. If you knew my father, then you can imagine the instant state of panic I went into. What? Me? Messy eating? NEVER!

And then I looked down …. at the trail of ketchup from my boobs to my crotch.

At least the size of The Bump meant the bottom half of my stomach escaped.

And at least I was wearing dark clothing.

I’m almost afraid to do anything but go to sleep now. What else could be waiting for me???

Today Lee finally decided to join me on the Road To 32. Though to be honest, I think he prefers to just call it 31. Not many people are as enthusiastic about their birthday as I am… which is okay. However, if you are close to me or worse yet married to me.. then you have to suffer Birthday Madness whether you want to or not. When I first met Lee, he was pretty much an “or not” kind of guy. Luckily, I have been molding him over the years and convincing him that birthdays are a WONDERFUL thing. It also doesn’t hurt when you give your husband a games console for his birthday. If he is into that kind of thing. So Lee’s wonderful birthday marathon started a few weeks ago when I gave him his Wii early. He’s since had a surprise dinner and pubbing with his friends in Stratford (thanks to Steve! … and everyone who showed up!), a day before birthday lunch with the family and pressies, a birthday morning with a few more pressies (thanks to Steve! … and me), returned home from work to find post that was not a bill …. and then I took him out to dinner.

Yes, most people go to dinner on their birthdays and it is not that big of a deal. I do realise this. However, most people haven’t been forced to make mashed potatoes for supper almost nightly because their pregnant whining wife can’t imagine food with much flavour (other than Friday night curries). This made dinner out of the house THAT much better.

However, I had a last minute change of plans after having Italian two nights in a row, so on Sunday when Lee was out getting dinner I had to rush and find a suitable alternative. After flip flopping between places we’d been I decided to go out on a limb. Not always a good thing with me … much less a pregnant and sometimes brainless me. I found a review from March 2007 on a Milton Keynes website for the restaurant at the Inn at Woburn. One review … time running out… really left me no option. I went for it.

So we got ready, posed for the Ooh it’s an Occasion to Take a Photo photos – and the now obligatory BoB shot:

Lee is 31 and has balloons!

Us:

Big Old BoB:

When we arrived I was nervous because all I had spotted on the outside was the hotel bar. I held my breath. Then we went in and it was much nicer inside. Exhale. We walked to the restaurant where there were three other people all in jeans. Sharp inhale. Then they offered us a complimentary bottle of still or sparkling water (Exibit Ahhh). Exhale. We looked around and saw so many conflicting things that we really had no idea what we were in for. Cloth napkins – paper napkin rings, oil and vinegar for the bread – with olives from a can, editorial cartoon type drawings on the walls – formal waiters. We placed our orders and hoped for the best.

For once, I got what I hoped for. Actually, no, Lee got what he hoped for. He definitely “won”. I came close…oh so close, but overall he was the winner. And not just because he was the one with the wine.

Exhibit Ahh (the free water):

Lee’s Starter ( Pan-Fried Scallops set on a Cauliflower Purée & Grilled Black Pudding served with a beetroot coulis)

My Shouldn’tHaveButIDidAnyway Starter (Tian of Smoked Salmon and Crab flavoured with Shallots & Dill accompanied with avruga caviar and lemon grissini)

After we inhaled this course we moved on to the mains. We were still nervous because we’d had hit and miss experiences before and didn’t want to get our hopes up. But we needn’t have worried!

Lee’s Main (Loin of Woburn Venison & Quince Jus accompanied with braised savoy cabbage, turnip purée & parmentier potatoes)

My Main (Seared Fillet of Sea Bass on a Chorizo Mash, Baby Spinach served with a chive butter sauce) (Only downside was too much chorizo)

We were getting giddy at this point and were more than ready to take on dessert. Something that we do not often do, but just this once…we were willing to put ourselves out there. No need to thank us, we’re just doing our bit.

Look at these innocent faces:

Lee’s dream came true when Rhubarb was the star of one of the desserts: A Taste of Rhubarb – Rhubarb jelly accompanied with rhubarb crème brûlée and crumble (the brûlée was still flaming when it arrived)

And I finished off with a nice Pineapple Tart Tatin served with Malibu and Coconut sorbet….

All in all, we are more than happy with the turn out. Lee’s birthday ended with a lovely meal (before retiring to the house where he played Splinter Cell past his bedtime) and I … I was just happy that we left with satisfied tummies and smiles on our faces and that Lee has loved his birthday … which goes on until the last present arrives.

Oh this baby is going to LOVE his or her birthday!! I’ll make sure of it.

So thank you to the chef(s) at Olivier’s for making sure that Lee had a Happy Happy Birthday!! And thank you to Lee for putting up with my … well… me.

Ally McBeal had her life theme song and so do I… Ghetto Bastard by Naughty By Nature. The line where they say “if not for bad luck, I would have none”. That sums me up in 9 sweet little words.

In a country where the salaries are low and costs are high, you take the breaks where you can get them. So when I found out that because I am pregnant I get to go to the dentist FOR FREE … until the baby is one year old… I was over the moon. Then I found out that it only applied to NHS dentists. Then I couldn’t find an NHS dentist. So I went to the pay-as-you-go kind where I had to pay £43 for a man to poke around my mouth for about 7 minutes and then tell me that I am all good and just to go see the hygienist the next week. So I did what I was told and paid £50 for an “extended” session. All I got for that £50 was 10 minutes of scraping and a polish.

Out of pocket £93 … which is a lot when you have a £750 visa to apply for and then a £655 citizenship to get right after …. I go to work last Friday and someone recommends a dentist to me. An NHS dentist that is not only good, but taking on patients.

It took me £93 worth of half-assed dentistry to find out I could have had it all for free.

Only me.